Tales of a moody Gibs
by, 8th June 2014 at 10:18 PM (499 Views)
In which GastlyGibus vents his feelings of self-loathing and depression. Don't read if you don't like that kind of stuff.
I just... I don't even know anymore. I feel like the moodiest person in the world right now, and I just really, really need to write it out. I don't care if anybody reads, and I'm not fishing for sympathy here. I honestly don't care either way, I just need to vent.
Lately I've just been... well, moody I guess is the best way to describe it. And not the cool kind of moody in Pokemon where I get a buff in one stat and another stat gets nerfed. The kind of moody where, one minute, I'm full of energy and ready to take on the world, and the next minute I'm on the verge of a complete emotional breakdown, complete with self-loathing and thoughts of suicide.
I don't even know why... by all accounts, I should be a happy person. I have a wonderful family, on good terms with my parents, with a good job, a working car (piece of junk, but it still runs), a good social life, and really, I don't have any reason to complain. And yet, every so often, usually every other day, these depressive moods just sink into me and make me hate life and hate myself for no explainable reason.
I completely lose all motivation to do the things I like. Don't want to play video games, or play music, or continue writing, or... do anything that usually makes me happy. I completely break down and shut myself away like some kind of deranged hermit, and the worst part is that none of it is justified. I don't know anymore... and I've given up trying to know.
Except now, it seems like the bad mood is sticking around for longer than I would like. It seems to happen more and more often, with less happy time in-between and just more self-loathing. I ask myself what I'm doing with my life, why I'm failing my college classes, why I'm not going out and doing something instead of just wasting my life away on pokemon forums like a geek, and I just hate myself. And now, after having a decidedly good time with friends and having an average day, the depressing feelings come back with a vengeance. Now I'm sitting here venting my frustrations on a Pokemon forum. Oh, what a life.
So yeah, sorry if I sound like some kind of whiny, entitled brat suffering from a severe case of #firstworldproblems. I just need to write it out to relieve the stress right now. I might be taking a break from bulba if this persists... because honestly I just can't find the motivation to continue posting anymore.
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