If I were you I wouldn't read this, I'm calmer now than when I first typed it but really if I were you I wouldn't click this but then that would make you curious and you'd click it anyway well don't blame me if you regret it
So my sister kept bugging me and saying stuff like "stop wasting your life on the internet" and "your life is so boring blah blah blah let's go out and bike" and in the end I gave in. I like biking, actually, it's just that I don't like biking in our backyard because it's so crowded with trees and rocks and whatever that I could bump into, I prefer open space.
After biking we visited our neighbors. Don't get me wrong, I like my neighbors (who also happen to be related to me, they're my cousins) but it got 100000000000000000000% more awkward to visit them ever since high school I don't know I basically drifted apart from everyone in my life and it's just like ASDFGHJSFKJ SDKJHNDLKBIJ ASDFKLSAKDGHKAJCFJHKUGJX. It's not my fault that my social skills are deteriorating and that I am awkward and don't know how to respond to social situations and stuff like that and stuff... ADSFGHDJAKFHSLKGAJPFH My cousin has a daughter so technically she's my niece? Don't ask me how or why, I honestly don't know myself but she freaking loves me. She loves me so much and trusts me and shows so much affection and she's just one year old and I don't know how to respond to her friendly and affectionate gestures and they think that I'm "ignoring" her or that I don't care about her but I just don't know what to do and it's not my fault anfd DFCGSHJLSAGKAJ SNGAGRASDFGHJK SDFGHJKSJGKDGH LMDSKAHJ NGKSA and apparently I say sorry too much? and they take me saying "I'm sorry" too lightly and think that I don't mean it? but I do... and I didn't know what to say and for obvious reasons I couldn't respond with another "I'm sorry" the moment passed with casual conversation while laughing at my niece doing silly stuff so they didn't notice when I almost cried, I fought back the tears because I didn't wanna draw attention to myself and just acted casual and let it pass but really inside I'm just like ASDFGHJAF;LJS GALFESKJVSDLFGJsl ASDFGASIFHUVCSI HGFdcZSDFGFJKSSDJS
and that really saddens me, I'm not even good with social interactions online
I'm sorry ok I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm really really really fucking sorry and you can tell how frustrated I am because I really really really really really really really really try to avoid bad words and I really dislike swearing I hate swearing ok I don't mind other people you guys can swear all you want and I won't mind but I don't like it when I swear and I really try hard to avoid it but I just can't ASDFVGBHJLA;SFJ SNKGHJASKLJHGVNLSKD I can't deal with this right now ADSAJKFJALEKTVJBNSLJKISE
I try ok, I try but I always end up doing something wrong, don't I? just fuck...fuck everything ASDFGHJKAS;LDF NGS, jhdajhgFAGSHJASKFLAHJasdfghjkSDFGHJKLSDfg ASDFGHJKjdfg
and right now I can barely type because my fingers feel tingly and somewhat numb and I'm hyperventilating and my chest feels weird...I'm sorry you had to see this but if I had to let it out or else I would explode...
I should just calm down and relax and calm down. *breathes more* *listens Owl City* well, I actually feel calmer already at the end of typing this post...at least my breathing slowed and the tingly somewhat numb feeling is slowly receding.
I'm ok now I'm ok I'm ok I'm ok I'm ok I am not ok I am not ok *hyperventilates again* ok I'm ok now oh glob I'm not ok my chest feels weird again the numb feeling is coming back just calm down and try to relax it's ok fuck now the numbness is spreading to my legs calm down everything is ok everything will be ok just relax ok don't get stressed out and make a few casual posts around the forums like what you did before you typed this that's me trying to calm myself down and comfort myself bUT IT'S NOT WORKING but I should just calm the fuck down and sTOP SAYING BAD WORDS WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME STOP IT YOU ALREADY SAID IT LIKE THREE OR FOUR TIMES, I'M TOO LAZY TO COUNT THE ACTUAL NUMBER OF TIMES I HAVE SAID IT, BUT THAT'S THREE OR FOUR TIMES TOO MANY I even suck at talking to myself
...ok...I think I calmed down now...I'm really sorry you had to see that...and I'm not sure whether I should have posted this or not because I'm officially scared of blog comments now (it has nothing to do with my previous entry, tho) but if I don't let it out I'm gOING TO EXPLODE ASDFGHJKL...but yeah, I think I calmed down now...I'm ok...I'm fine