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Zaki's Humble Abode

Lochte Watch

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Before I get started, I have a great announcement: my sister is having a girl!

As my sister gets closer and closer to getting that baby delivered, I have wasted my time looking up all sorts of sheeit. I was able to catch some wacky stuff, like the hype on the royal baby and all of the Kardashian-Jenner craziness. But this below is very interesting.

I am keeping an eye on that bile fascination of mine, Ryan Lochte. Yep, the same guy that was in the Olympics swimming his arse off. According to one article, Lochte has male-model looks and a personality bordering on a yogurt taco. Then again, personality don't matter when you're rich. Just look at Madonna and Mel Gibson - both are rich and both get away with acting like total assholes.

Did you know he's gotten his own show? Yep - the jerk is now on E! Unfortunately, I don't have that channel. But I saw clips of the show online. It's terrible. It really is. He has the personality of a turd. Official pictures for the show have the prince himself pouring water out of a sneaker. I suppose with a shoe closet that rivals your local shoe store, it's inevitable that he'll waste them. What they fail to show is a picture of his bum in a speedo. Oh well.

Guess what's on his show: he has a bunch of one-night stands with girls. Yep, Lochte is quite the player. Only problem is that every other male celebrity has done that already. He's no Tiger Woods. Lochte acts like a typical dumb sitcom guy. And he's a larger ham than Michael Phelps. And both are annoying. Those two are Aquaman and Namor. Which one is which is up for debate. What do you think?

I guess abs and muscles sell. Like I've said before, if you saw me in my speedo, you'd think I was very un-sexy. Plus he's got a face to die for, unlike my Macaulay Culkin-like face. But I'd rather be ugly and smart than hot and stupid.

Lochte does have some hilarious lines. Like this soon-to-be-classic: “If you’re man at night, you need to be a man in the morning.” And then there's the whole "Jeah!" crap. Seriously, Lochte. You're INSANE!

Right now, he's training for the Olympics in Rio. Needless to say, I'm not gonna pay attention to that. As someone who enjoys swimming, I would rather focus my attention on some other swimmer - one with a brain, perhaps. But I guess I could kick back and laugh at Lochte for now.

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  1. Baby Seals's Avatar
    I agree with you on Lochte. He's so annoying.


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