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15 Real-Life Jerk Jocks

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by , 30th December 2012 at 09:37 PM (5960 Views)
WARNING: This is my opinion. I do realise that some of these people are well-loved by many. And I admit that some of them reflect my own prejudices.

Now, I'm not a big sports person, but I The trope of "jerk jock" is almost legendary in high school films. You may remember well-known fictional jerk jocks in movies like Revenge of the Nerds and Just One of the Guys. But today I am going to present you a list of jocks that, in real life, I find to be total jerks.

1. Tom Daley

Boy am I sick of hearing about this annoying little twit. He's like "look at me, I'm some dude in a speedo, let me show off my muscles and package". Although I can see why people dig him. If divers like him saw me in my speedo, doubtless they'd laugh at my bony arms and awful posture. He's 18 and actually looks like a teenager, while I'm a year younger and I look at least twice that old. I admit I used to be jealous of him, but not anymore. Tom Daley acts like he owns diving. I've heard many British people complain about him and his phony attitude.

2. Ryan Lochte

I admit, I do have a lot against many swimmers, being an amateur swimmer myself. Lochte is probably even worse than Tom Daley. He's very materialistic and selfish. He has a zillion shoes. Who does he think he is, Imelda Marcos? And he's such a spoiled mama's boy who needs Mommie Dearest to coddle his rear end. (I actually once did a little show of Ryan Lochte impressions at a friend's pool party earlier this month. My friends thought I did good, although I think I don't sound American enough.)

3. Michael Phelps

And to prove that men's swimming and diving is infested with dickheads, we have the biggest, fattest one of all. Michael Phelps could very well be renamed Aquaman because of his life in the water. He may be a living fish, but he also has the personality of a toad. They have him on tape shunning a female fan. And let's not get into the bong thing. He also thinks "I'm God's gift to mankind".

4. Cristiano Ronaldo

The snob of soccer himself. He's just so snobby and full of himself. I think people have good reasons for hating him.

5. Maria Sharapova

Yes, female athletes can be assholes too, despite jerk jocks in fiction being virtually always male. Maria Sharapova is an infamous harpy who deserved to be yelled at by her opponent. And supposedly she showed her sharp tongue pretty well in a photo shoot.

6. Tonya Harding

Oh dear, Tonya F*cking Harding. She was such a whiny loser about not being able to beat Nancy Kerrigan, so she decided to get some thug to smash Nancy's knee with a crowbar. Maybe it's only fitting that now she looks like a troll. I think she had a baby earlier this year - I hope she teaches her kid not to make the same mistakes she did.

7. Tom Brady

Since I'm not American, I know him mostly for reasons other than sports. He is a huge soar loser. He is married to that fake-looking b*tch Gisele Bundchen, who is just as stupid and in fact contributes to Brady's cockiness with her own attitude problem. He's probably the biggest turd in his sport. I could have picked Brett Favre or another football meathead, but none have been as big of a card as Mr. Gisele Buttchin.

8. Diego Maradona

Cheating controversies aside, he really is awful. He's a haughty primadonna who thinks he owns his country's soccer culture. And (gasp) he couldn't coach the Argentinian soccer team anymore. Maybe they had a good reason too - they didn't want a SNOB to manage their team. And he once hit a cameraman and proceeded to berate the poor guy. We don't need this guy representing Argentinian culture. I'd rather think of Eva Peron or Jorge Luis Borges as representing the country.

9. Alex Rodriguez

I would say out of all baseball players, he takes the cake. He had a loving wife and children, and he decides to leave them for...guess who? None other than Madonna, the spoiled, pretentious Queen of Pop! What did he see in Madonna that his wife didn't have, besides the fact that she's too old for lingerie? And guess what, their relationship was everywhere! Soon, he would go on to date another repulsive b*tch, Kate Hudson. I would have included Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens, but I don't know enough about them.

10. Kobe Bryant

He thinks he's so great, and he managed to evade prosecution for statutory rape. What a dick.

11. Michael Vick

This guy is still allowed to play sports? Are you kidding me? He treated those dogs like they were his slaves. Seriously, it's people like him who contribute to the persecution of pitbulls. Why didn't he just go to jail?

12. John McEnroe

I know he's retired, but I had to include him. This guy is probably best known for his countless tantrums. Anyone living in the 80s would know - he's crazy! Bonus points for marrying into the problematic O'Neal acting family.

13. Serena Williams

I admit I don't mind her that much, but they're no denying what a b*tch she is. Think of the infamous "IMMA SHOVE THIS BALL DOWN YOUR THROAT" scream that earned her tons of attention. She is basically John McEnroe with breasts.

14. Zlatan Ibrahimovic

I hate this bastard. I HATE HIM SO MUCH! He's a dick. Supposedly he refuses to give autographs. And he's a show-off too. "Look at me, I know taekwondo" is one such thing. He doesn't do justice for the Bosniak people. The three Bosniak guys I know all hate him (then again, one of them hates sports in general).

15. Roger Federer

He strikes me as a huge jerk. It's no surprise that he's followed in John McEnroe's footsteps by being the biggest diva in tennis. He is also a sore loser.

For those who are wondering why I didn't include OJ Simpson on the list...I think he is a million times worse than everyone on this list combined. He's too bad even for this list! I admit it might seem weird not including any Australian athletes, since our athletes are not too bad IMO. But we have our fair share of asshole celebrities and shitloads of asshole politicians.

(And BTW, I will not allow comments due to the potential flame war it could cause. PM me on your thoughts if you'd like.)

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