Os cariad yw llafur, 'n annhymerus' gwas 'tan y diwedd.

at 2am when i was finally about to go to sleep, i put on some music and put away the laptop and closed my eyes when suddenly i had trouble breathing. id had trouble earlier in the day, right when i woke up in fact, but Moll was able to calm me down then and i didnt really think about it for the rest of the day.

this time it felt much worse though. i got up and got a drink to see if that would help and it sort of pacified it for awhile, but soon it came right back and thats when i started panicking.

i dont know what made me think it would help, but i started just posting my thoughts on tumblr about it.

fuck im having trouble breathing again whats going on

i cant tell why im having trouble breathing its scaring me am i not getting enough food am i too warm am i suddenly having a relapse of asthma i barely even had it when i was a kid is it coming back i dont even fucking know oh my god that one was rly bad breathe breathe

it doesnt even feel like its coming from my lungs more like i have an empty knot of air in my stomach or something i dont know dont panicdont panic

im a coward im a coward im a dirty fucking coward stop panicking ok dont panic derek its gonna be fine Moll will be awake soon dont make her panic too its ok dont worry itll be fine im fucking scared

im scared

can someone like send me calming pictures or messages or something this helped earlier when Moll was just so calming with me but shes not awake can someone send me rly calming things

fuck wait she is awake but shes at school [as you can see i forgot it was saturday]

is anyone listening

im scared to go to sleep what if i keep having breathing problems in my sleep and i suffocate

im gonna have to calm myself

at that point i stumbled out of my room feeling like i was about to faint and told my mum cuz she was still up working. later she told me i looked absolutely terrified.

ok i told mum shes making toast and apple juice for me wow shes such a nice mother im shaking tho i dont wanna stand up i felt like i was gonna faint when i stood up to tell her

after some toast and a drink i started calming down a bit so i put on some more calming music and tried to sleep again. then finally at 3:30am i fell asleep and then i woke up to find 11 messages from Moll in my tumblr inbox and a mile-long series of messages in our fb conversation of her panicking.

moral of the story kids: dont liveblog your serious health issues. go to someone who can actually help first and immediately​.