The Fantastically Boring Life of An Anonymous Public Anomaly
by, 19th August 2012 at 11:30 PM (301 Views)
Quite the movie title. I'd see it if it wasn't supposedly about me.
-Opening Credits: Indestructible by Disturbed. (Ooooh, is this a superhero movie?)
-Waking Up: Kashmir by Led Zeppelin. (Hey, I know that song! Led Zeppelin. This is a pretty cool guy.)
-Falling In Love: (I Hate) Everything About You by Three Days Grace. (Way to hint this isn't gonna work out. Who the fuck compiled this soundtrack?)
-Fight Scene: You Suffer by Napalm Death. (GAAAAH! THAT... THAT SAME SOUND BYTE! OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER! MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!)
-Breaking Up: Hello, I Love You by The Doors. (...At least it stopped. Are they going for irony or something here?)
-Make Up: Closer by Nine Inch Nails. (...I smell the R-Rated material approaching.)
-Secret Love: Undone—The Sweater Song by Weezer. (Is 'sweater' a euphemism here?)
-Life's OK: How To Disappear Completely by Radiohead. (This is so fucking depressing. [guy behind him:] "Hey. Shut the fuck up and listen to the song.")
-Mental Breakdown: Paperback Writer by The Beatles. (Okay, seriously. This guy is holding a knife up to his own neck, and they're fucking playing this?)
-Driving Scene: Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Part One) by Pink Floyd. (Zzz... zzz... zzz... [same guy behind him:] ...*facepalm*)
-Flashback: Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. (Zzz... zzz... *snork* Oh, hey, movie's still going. Hang on a second, this reminds me... This isn't a superhero movie after all!)
-Happy Dance: People of the Sun by Rage Against The Machine. (...Did they soundtrack this blind?)
-Regretting: Shiny Happy People by REM. (Perk up, hero guy! Wait... what was his name again?)
-Long Night Alone: American Pie by Don McLean. (Er... Jared? Eric?)
-Final Battle: Silence... by Pezz (a.k.a. Billy Talent). (*notices absence of music and suddenly becomes aware he's watching a movie* [turns to a friend] Wait, what's happening? When did that guy get there? Why the hell is the hero guy on the ground and writhing around?)
-Death Scene: Hurt by Nine Inch Nails.
Hey, sorta makes sense. Whoa.(*still talking to friend* I don't know, what positive effect could spaghettification possibly have? [friend:] "Uh... cannibals will have easy-to-make human pasta?" [him:] I dunno, black holes are kinda difficult to come by...)
-Final Ending: #1 Zero by Audioslave. (*still talking* I still don't get how magnets work. [friend:] "Don't question it, your brain can't handle it." [him:] I suppose so—HEY! [friend:] "Uh... how did we get to this point in conversation anyway?" [him:] Er... I was about to ask you that.)
-End Credits: Exit Music (For A Film) by Radiohead.
Coincidence? I think so.(Oh, hey. It's over. That was an awesome movie! Let's go recommend it to everyone so they spend tons of brainless money that goes to already-overpaid industry freaks who churn out the same thing over and over again! [friend:] "Uh... what was it about again?" [him:] Er... something about an anomaly. [friend:] "...Huh.")
...Still wouldn't watch it.
I would, however, like to watch that conversation in full, because I really am interested in how the hell they got there. Seriously, what the fuck?
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