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The Fantastically Boring Life of An Anonymous Public Anomaly

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by , 19th August 2012 at 11:30 PM (340 Views)
Quite the movie title. I'd see it if it wasn't supposedly about me.

-Opening Credits: Indestructible by Disturbed. (Ooooh, is this a superhero movie?)

-Waking Up: Kashmir by Led Zeppelin. (Hey, I know that song! Led Zeppelin. This is a pretty cool guy.)

-Falling In Love: (I Hate) Everything About You by Three Days Grace. (Way to hint this isn't gonna work out. Who the fuck compiled this soundtrack?)

-Fight Scene: You Suffer by Napalm Death. (GAAAAH! THAT... THAT SAME SOUND BYTE! OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER! MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!)

-Breaking Up: Hello, I Love You by The Doors. (...At least it stopped. Are they going for irony or something here?)

-Make Up: Closer by Nine Inch Nails. (...I smell the R-Rated material approaching.)

-Secret Love: Undone—The Sweater Song by Weezer. (Is 'sweater' a euphemism here?)

-Life's OK: How To Disappear Completely by Radiohead. (This is so fucking depressing. [guy behind him:] "Hey. Shut the fuck up and listen to the song.")

-Mental Breakdown: Paperback Writer by The Beatles. (Okay, seriously. This guy is holding a knife up to his own neck, and they're fucking playing this?)

-Driving Scene: Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Part One) by Pink Floyd. (Zzz... zzz... zzz... [same guy behind him:] ...*facepalm*)

-Flashback: Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. (Zzz... zzz... *snork* Oh, hey, movie's still going. Hang on a second, this reminds me... This isn't a superhero movie after all!)

-Happy Dance: People of the Sun by Rage Against The Machine. (...Did they soundtrack this blind?)

-Regretting: Shiny Happy People by REM. (Perk up, hero guy! Wait... what was his name again?)

-Long Night Alone: American Pie by Don McLean. (Er... Jared? Eric?)

-Final Battle: Silence... by Pezz (a.k.a. Billy Talent). (*notices absence of music and suddenly becomes aware he's watching a movie* [turns to a friend] Wait, what's happening? When did that guy get there? Why the hell is the hero guy on the ground and writhing around?)

-Death Scene: Hurt by Nine Inch Nails. Hey, sorta makes sense. Whoa. (*still talking to friend* I don't know, what positive effect could spaghettification possibly have? [friend:] "Uh... cannibals will have easy-to-make human pasta?" [him:] I dunno, black holes are kinda difficult to come by...)

-Final Ending: #1 Zero by Audioslave. (*still talking* I still don't get how magnets work. [friend:] "Don't question it, your brain can't handle it." [him:] I suppose so—HEY! [friend:] "Uh... how did we get to this point in conversation anyway?" [him:] Er... I was about to ask you that.)

-End Credits: Exit Music (For A Film) by Radiohead. Coincidence? I think so. (Oh, hey. It's over. That was an awesome movie! Let's go recommend it to everyone so they spend tons of brainless money that goes to already-overpaid industry freaks who churn out the same thing over and over again! [friend:] "Uh... what was it about again?" [him:] Er... something about an anomaly. [friend:] "...Huh.")

...Still wouldn't watch it.
I would, however, like to watch that conversation in full, because I really am interested in how the hell they got there. Seriously, what the fuck?

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Updated 19th August 2012 at 11:36 PM by Caprizant

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Comments

  1. Momoka's Avatar
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    FIRST COMMENT! Interesting~
    Caprizant likes this.
  2. Caprizant's Avatar
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    Why do I have the feeling you skipped reading the blog and just wanted to get the first comment?
  3. Jack Pschitt's Avatar
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    'Cause she did

    I would watch the movie just for the "You Suffer" fight scene.

    Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN

    GRROUAUGH
    *punch*
    Caprizant likes this.

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