Just Watched The Last Airbender
by, 22nd January 2013 at 12:05 AM (3237 Views)
That. Was the most painful 2 hours I have EVER gone through. Why Nickelodeon why? Why would you do this to your loyal fans? How could you show this monstrosity not once, but TWICE in the same night? Do you honestly not know of our hatred for this movie?
Many years ago, it was announced that my then-favorite novel series, the Inheritance Cycle, was going to be made into a movie. I was excited, I had marked the release date on my calendar and had a spring in my step as I skipped through the halls of my high school. I LOVED reading Eragon and Eldest, and was excited to hear that they'd be brought to life on the big screen with Eragon starting things off. I saw a few trailers that had excited me, including one featuring Saphira as a baby. On the day Eragon came into theaters, my big brother surprised me by coming into my room and telling me to put my shoes on and get my jacket. We hopped into the car and he drove me to the theater, and he said "Merry Christmas little sister" as we walked up to the ticket counter, my brother requesting two tickets to see Eragon.
We walked out of the theater, and I was grieving. I grieved for the part of me that believed in movies, wishing it to come back. But that part of me would never again return, and I began to fear all movies based on successful series. A large part of me had died that night, its carcass carried away by the bastardized spawn of birds and lizards that was Saphira, who had magically grown in the span of her first flight and suddenly knew anything and everything that ever was.
When I had heard Nickelodeon was going to show The Last Airbender, my heart sank. I never actually SAW the movie when it came out, but from the moment I heard it was coming I held a sense of dread. Were they going to butcher ANOTHER series I held near and dear to my heart? I had a slight hope that no, The Last Airbender was going to be a suitable flick for the Avatar franchise. Even when the reviews started pouring in about it being a horrible movie that was badly casted and animated, I held onto the belief that maybe, just maybe, my fellow fans were being a bit unfair to M. Night Shyamalan because he had some bad flicks prior to this.
And then here I am, 2 years later, watching The Last Airbender for the first time. It was Eragon all over again. From the moment the movie opened with what I thought was a VERY bad waterbender *because it was dripping and splashing the entire time they bent it* I started to lose hope. Then Katara started on a long-ass dialogue giving us the background of the world this movie took place in, which reminded me a lot of Star Wars, and used the word Awe-vuh-tar instead of Ah-vuh-tar over and over. She called her brother, who was NOTHING like his awkward, sarcastic animated counterpart, soh-kuh and her grandmother, well, Grandmother as opposed to Gran-Gran. Zuko looked fat and his skin was flawless as near as I could tell, and Iroh *who was called ee-roh* was skinny and looked like he could have been Zuko's older brother instead of his elder Uncle. Appa and Momo had NO personality, or even proper introductions! Their names were just casually dropped in normal conversation.
And then there was the bending. In the cartoon, every action produced a spark of fire, a blast of air, a splash in the water or some rocks to flutter. In the movie, you needed to do at least 5 exaggerated karate moves before something would happen. The fighting sequences were terrible too. It was like "Oh no! That rock is slowly coming out of the ground and is coming at me quickly! About as fast as a snail! I simply MUST block it, I couldn't possibly get out of the way unless I ran! Or walked! Or limped!". No matter what the skill level, no Waterbender was able to bend water without it splashing around and/or dripping. And the Firebenders, they were severely handicapped. If they didn't have a candle next to them they were helpless. They were so shocked when Iroh created his own fire using his "chi", which, by the way, does NOT work like that in the actual series.
Oh, and speaking of candles, Zuko didn't know Aang was the avatar until Iroh did a little "test". Even though he technically hasn't even STARTED learning the other elements, Aang was still somehow able to influence the tools Iroh put in front of him. A candle's flame grew slightly. Water that had splashed around turned into a neat, circular puddle. And a rock did a handstand.
And the plot was incredibly butchered too. If you are a huge fan of King Bumi, Avatar Roku, Suki and her Kyoshi Warriors, or Jet and his Freedom Fighters, then you will be sad to hear that NONE of them appear in the movie. Avatar Roku gets ONE mention, but that's it. Aang ended up getting taught about stuff by some Dragon Spirit everytime he went into the spirit world. Oh, and the reason Aang ran away from the temple in the movie? He was told that he wasn't allowed to bang anyone and fill the world with his spawn. That's right, the Avatar is not allowed to have a family. I wonder where Zuko came from then? Considering Roku was his Great Grandfather.
Seriously, it's like Shyamalan didn't even see the FIRST episode! It's like he just went to Wikipedia *not the Avatar Wiki, I literally mean Wikipedia* and read the short summaries on their episode listings for Book 1. He just took that, got rid of what he thought were filler episodes, and then threw it at a cast who MUST be related to Kristen Stewart in some way. Seriously, my brother has more passion for acting than these twerps do, and he's pretty much given up on that dream. The movie would have been a LOT better if they just cast him for every role. It would still be shit, but at least he'd take it seriously enough that we could believe we were watching Avatar through drunk-vision goggles instead of us sitting here, dry-heaving at these silly little people running around pretending they can do Kung Fu and calling it a movie. As Charlie Jane Anders said, The Last Airbender makes Dragonball Evolution look like a masterpiece.
From the terrible acting to the eye-gouging 3D effects, I would like to say this movie was so bad it was funny, but that would be an insult to comedy. It wasn't so bad it was funny, it was so bad it was BAD. Congratulations M. Night Shyamalan, you have joined the ranks of Eragon. You have shattered any and all hope I had for the movie industry, and reinforced my beliefs that any director who would ever even let the thought of a live movie based off a hit book series/TV show would be great should be immediately shot through the head.
I really wish that Nickelodeon had shown a Justin Bieber concert instead. It was THAT bad. Someone hold me. ;3;
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