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Ugh...

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Ever since I have been diagnosed with depression, I have felt even more pathetic and helpless than before. It sucks a lot... But I guess I have a reason for most of the things I do or don't do because of it.

I recently learned that I have every single symptom, too.

I don't know if I should be saying this or not, but I often wonder if it's worth it for me to get out of this mess, or just give up and stop hurting people when I don't even mean to or want to... >< I have wasted so many people's time... I guess yours as well...

Sorry...

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  1. RainbowSkittles's Avatar
    That sounds really awful I hope things will get better for you soon if not then



    This^Will have to do
    Updated 27th August 2013 at 06:49 AM by RainbowSkittles
  2. Colress's Avatar
    Having dealt with depression up and down through the years, I truly give you all the best wishes in the world. Understanding what is happening is one of the biggest steps. The bigger one - for me, at least - is realizing that you aren't alone. Not just in the sense that you have friends and family who love you and who will support you through it, but in the sense that others have felt this way too. At my worst, the feeling of self blame and anger and anxiety became so overwhelming that at times I still have trouble comprehending that people - many who appear so well put together and happy and fulfilled - have felt the exact same way. My heart truly goes out to you. That constant and never ending feeling - that negative nag that takes over utterly everything - is something that no one should have to go through. The fact that it makes you feel so isolated at the same time makes it doubly powerful.

    I always feel a little hesitant to post on people's blogs - mostly because I never know the person and always feel like I've stumbled upon someone's private thoughts and just rolled in with my own. But I had to respond at this:

    I don't know if I should be saying this or not, but I often wonder if it's worth it for me to get out of this mess, or just give up and stop hurting people when I don't even mean to or want to... >< I have wasted so many people's time... I guess yours as well...

    Sorry...
    I'm going to admit to being a creeper - the moment I read through this, I went to your profile because I wanted to get to know you. And when I did, your "About Me" page just stunned me. Stunned me because you are obviously an articulate, caring, and genuine person who is so interesting. I point this out because I am glad that you decided to post the quoted passage. It captures exactly what makes depression such a lonely and isolating state of being. You are so insightful from your description of yourself. I have all the confidence in the world that you can face this depression and come out with a strong sense of self that allows you to see that you are an awesome person.

    Please do not feel sorry for sharing your feelings. I hope I'm not making things worse by posting randomly in your blog, but I for one feel honored to have read them and proud of you for sharing them. Please take strength in your friends and family. You are worth it. It is not a waste of anyone's time - it is a state of being that you are in and which you are taking the first steps in addressing by being so honest with yourself. I certainly don't feel that my time has been wasted. After reading your "About Me" page, I personally felt enlightened and had this picture of you in my mind's eye of an individual who has a lot to give to their friends. A person who I would dearly love to get to know.

    You have my sincerest support along your journey. Thank you for sharing this - I for one am thankful that you did so.
    Updated 23rd August 2013 at 08:49 PM by Colress
  3. Eleven's Avatar
    @Colress;

    I wish I could like your post a thousand times. I really needed that. ^_^ Thank you so much!
  4. CrackFox's Avatar
    Aw I liked it a second time on your behalf :B

    A lot of people know what you're going through, including me. When I was younger i'd have bouts of depression, sometimes they lasted months. You feel like you'll never feel better and as you said, you also feel like it's not worth feeling better. I did take meds and they did help me. Unlike you and some people, I never felt pathetic for having depression, pathetic in general but not for feeling sad. You obviously have a lot of friends here and hopefully you can get all the support you need from your family.

  5. Baf's Avatar
    @Zima;

    I'll keep this short. I was diagnosed with depression around Dec/Jan, I felt suicidal and I needed help. I started counselling, went on anti-depressants. Back in Jan I'd never think I'd say these words, but it does get easier, it's easier to live with, to deal with. It no longer becomes such a huge thing. Some days I get in a depressive state, but it's rare. I'm getting better, and I know you will too. The feeling of hopelessness does pass and it does get better and as hard as may be to believe, you need to believe in yourself that you can beat this. And you can. No one else can beat it for you, only you.

    Depression can be a struggle, a real fucking animal to deal with, but it's a battle that can be won. Live your passions, do what makes you happy. It's ok to feel somedays that you just want to see the world up in flames, because tomorrow is a new day. A bad day today, a great one tomorrow.

    Just stay positive, and if you need help then you can always PM me.

    Best of luck :)
  6. Eleven's Avatar
    @CrackFox;

    Actually, before my family found out that I was depressed, they wanted to give up on me and kick me out of the house right after I turned 18. :/

    So many awesome people have gone through this... ;_; This makes me incredibly sad.
  7. Chief KazamiNator's Avatar
    Depression means you have a high IQ, but because of the illness, you have poor judgment.
    If you get it corrected, you will notice many changed in both your behavior and decisions.
  8. Eleven's Avatar
    @Chief KazamiNator;

    A change in my behavior...? Fuck... >< Just watch me become a giant asshole after this is over.
  9. Chief KazamiNator's Avatar
    Why do you think I'm one?
  10. Eleven's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Chief KazamiNator
    Why do you think I'm one?
    No no no! I'm just worried that I'll lose a lot of my positive traits. I don't know you that well, but I don't think you're an asshole.
  11. Kyriaki's Avatar
    It's okay to share feelings with others, and you have every right to do what you want to do if it makes you happy :D I hope for all the best wishes in your life.
  12. John Understands's Avatar
    I feel bad for you... Hope it gets better for you soon!
  13. Niji's Avatar
    Depression doesn't make you pathetic- it takes a lot of strength to deal with. I've grown up with my mom having severe depression. She's one of the people I look up to a lot- she's one of the most brave, compassionate, and fun people I know :) . She does activism for human, animal, and environmental welfare, and even with medication for it, it's still a struggle for her. Even with the struggle, she's the best mom I could ever ask for. She always tries her hardest to be there for me, and I try to be there for her when she needs it. You also aren't even close to helpless.

    You're definitely a strong person. Very few people can make it without companionship and people to be there for them, and who would want to? Yuma never goes at things alone- he always has his pals for support- that's the magic of friendship :) . You have a lot of people who care a lot about you, and you're a great person with endless possibilities for their future.

    You're not only fighting for yourself- you are fighting for Hope! When I feel like giving up, I think of talking with and holding the latter for my dad while he was picking pears, joking about zombie potatoes with my older cousin, or even just smiling at people in the hallways of school. By tearing yourself away, you'd also rip off big pieces of other people's lives. It would made the burden they carry a much greater one. Despair is contagious, but so is Hope. Even just by living, you give people one more thing to fuel the burning Hope within themselves! You haven't wasted my time at all, in fact, although I'm very sorry you have to deal with depression, talking with you gives me statements to remember when I feel like I can't bear living anymore. It helps me to know there are other people facing struggles who are being strong. You've always helped me a lot, even if you didn't know it :) .
  14. The_Godfather's Avatar
    It's very hard to deal with, but you'll pull through! Get well soon!

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