by, 24th May 2013 at 03:01 PM (236 Views)
Summer's supposed to be good, right? The ones in the past certainly were, but this one... I'm already having mental breakdowns and suicidal thoughts. Today has been worse than yesterday... ><
If this continues and I disappear from Skype, Tumblr, and Bulbagarden for 24 hours, I'm probably dead... I can barely keep moving forward... I feel like I have done so many things wrong, that I barely believe I should exist anymore... Hell, I despise myself, so I don't even know where the strength to keep going comes from... I'm weak, broken, and useless... What can I do that no one else can't? NOTHING. I'm nothing compared to most everyone...
Ever since I was young, I have been an outcast... A loner at some points, and a social butterfly at others... I have always been secretive and probably somewhat of an enigma. I thought by joining a few forums, that I would be able to fit in somehow and find people that accepted me for who I was... I was both right and wrong... Just like in real life, friends let go of me because they couldn't deal with my constantly-fluctuating emotions and drastic changes of behavior that I have no control over...
Ugh... I have so many things to say to people, just in case I do end my own life... Right now, I can't even trust myself...
To everyone who I have had many conversations with, and have built strong bonds with, just know that I really appreciate you. I really do... I'm just losing control of myself, and this probably looks extremely selfish, but... I can't hold on... ><
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