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Tales of a Shiny Hunter

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Summer's supposed to be good, right? The ones in the past certainly were, but this one... I'm already having mental breakdowns and suicidal thoughts. Today has been worse than yesterday... ><

If this continues and I disappear from Skype, Tumblr, and Bulbagarden for 24 hours, I'm probably dead... I can barely keep moving forward... I feel like I have done so many things wrong, that I barely believe I should exist anymore... Hell, I despise myself, so I don't even know where the strength to keep going comes from... I'm weak, broken, and useless... What can I do that no one else can't? NOTHING. I'm nothing compared to most everyone...

Ever since I was young, I have been an outcast... A loner at some points, and a social butterfly at others... I have always been secretive and probably somewhat of an enigma. I thought by joining a few forums, that I would be able to fit in somehow and find people that accepted me for who I was... I was both right and wrong... Just like in real life, friends let go of me because they couldn't deal with my constantly-fluctuating emotions and drastic changes of behavior that I have no control over...

Ugh... I have so many things to say to people, just in case I do end my own life... Right now, I can't even trust myself...

To everyone who I have had many conversations with, and have built strong bonds with, just know that I really appreciate you. I really do... I'm just losing control of myself, and this probably looks extremely selfish, but... I can't hold on... ><

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  1. xXFrostXx's Avatar
    I don't know you personally, but when I see a post like this, I have to respond. Please don't end your life. You are not and never have been nothing. And if 'friends' are leaving you because they can't deal with things you have no control over, then I'm sorry, but they aren't true friends. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here on Bulbagarden all the time and happy to talk with you regardless of your emotions and behaviors.
  2. Italy-kun's Avatar
    If you ever need anyone, someone's gonna be here for you. Just click a random person in the list of people who are online. Odds are they'll be okay with talking to you.
  3. Soulmaster's Avatar
    Zima, don't ever think of taking your own life. There are many people here who don't care if your emotions change drastically, most of the people I talk to don't. Just remember if you need someone to talk to, either voice or chat, just let me know and I'll be there. I'm sure most people in TWR Skype chat will say the same thing. Almost any staff I can say the same thing for.
  4. Polkadot Jolteon's Avatar
    If you commit suicide, I'll kill you. ...Wait a second...

    In all seriousness, don't even think about it. Instead, think about this:

    You share most if not all of your qualities with your ancestors through DNA. That DNA makes you who you are.

    Did they commit suicide at your age? No, they pushed forward with their lives and went on to get married and have children. Every one of them did. And every one of them makes you who you are.

    They didn't end their lives, and you don't have to either, because they are you. You can push forward too. The ability is right there, in your DNA. You don't have to end your path here because you are you and you are a wonderful person, and a person who has the power to live on through everything hardwired into them.

    But while I am going on about ancestors, the combination that makes you is unique. There is only one Stahl, and there will never be another. Ending your existence would just be a waste; a waste of all the amazing, brilliant Stahl in the universe.

    There are so many reasons why you have to live on. So live on, Stahl, and make yourself proud!
  5. Konstantinos's Avatar
    Tell me who did not accept you about what you are and I will Water Gun him to the face!

    Okay, serious buisness comes next. I think that you are a great person, and according to your previous blog entry, everyone else who commented thought so too. I don't know why are you are that pessimistic, but at least from what I've seen in here, you should definitely not be.

    Remember your "About me" text? Over there, you said "Vesna never stops thinking about how the world could be a better place and her own philosophies. She even claims to have "life figured out" and is aware that she has a higher level of thought than most people." Why are you getting dragged back now? Do you really have to?

    Whenever you have those foul thoughts in your mind, take a deep breath, and go for a walk. Think about Russia. About all the good friends you have made here. Discard all the negative moments of your life for a little while. It will really help you get better.

    You see, everyone who is posting in this blog knows that you are constantly changing tempers. They don't mock it, they support you. WE support you. Because we consider you a friend, a real friend.

    You should not waste the potential. You should stand up, and let everything that bothers you behind! You once said: "(Vesna) wants to know every single detail about everything that life has to offer." Just do it.

    Closing, I will be always eager to have a chat with you. Even when you don't chat, post blogs! Let the feelings out, don't let them consume you!

    Live on, Stahl! Show the world your way!
  6. Niji's Avatar
    I'm sorry :( . May you feel better soon. It doesn't feel like it now, but there are many times in life that are amazing. A lot of great things are waiting to happen, and your sadness won't last. I've been being really lazy about logging on lately (and busy and in a bad mood about finals), but you can talk to me if you want. It's tough, but hang in there!
  7. Satoshi-kun's Avatar
    Ever since I was young, I have been an outcast... A loner at some points, and a social butterfly at others...
    Story of my school life back when I was a kiddo. If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open. I might take a little while to respond sometimes since I have a job, but I will do my best to respond if you need someone to talk to.

    Now, looks like you may need a hug, so... *hug* I know an internet hug isn't exactly the real thing, but still... everyone needs a hug sometimes, and this is the best us internet folks can do sometimes.

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