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My True Self

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by , 6th October 2013 at 05:43 PM (1219 Views)
For those of you who decided to click on this post, thank you. For those of you who have decided to read this entire post, you forever have my gratitude. I'm so sick of putting up a fake smile, and simply going with what ever other people say. I feel so sick of being trapped in my own head, so I want people to know the real me. Naturally though, It'd be awkward to go up to my friends and family and spill every one of my secrets. So I thought, I'd try and post about myself here, where it'll be completely anonymous. You'll know the real me, with really knowing the real me. Basically, you'll know everything about me except my real name, my location, and my face.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Naoto. I've been on the forums for 2 years, and I'm frequently active in the RPG forums. In real life, I'm free spirited artist who enjoys video games, writing, and reading manga.

If there's one thing you should know about me, I always need to be doing something. If somethings not occupying my mind, it'll get painful for me. It'll make it so minutes feel like hours, and hours feel days, you get the drill. I'm one of those Type A personalities. (Basically someone who always has to focus on something.) I can't just sit down, and relax. I have to have a book to read, or a game to play. It's so bad, I can't even just sit down and watch TV.

Another thing is I'm fairly self conscious about my gender and sexuality. I'm a guy, but I don't act that masculine. I'm absolutely horrible at sports, being a pathetic klutz. I'd rather do things like Draw, read, or sing then do something like play football. I'd rather eat chocolate then steak, and I'm always being careful about not eating anything covered in fat. I never actually refer to myself as "Man" or "Guy" Unless I absolutely have to. I'm Bisexual, so I like both guys and girls, but I'm so insecure about it, I've never actually tried to date anyone. I'm 17 and I've never actually kissed anyone before. My parents, don't even know I'm Bisexual, because I have no idea what my homophobe dad would think.

I guess the last thing I can think is that I'm never satisfied with reality. Sometimes I wish I could just close my eyes, and wake up in a completely different reality. Sometimes I wish that I could just discover I have some sort of weird Psychic powers, and I end up being recruited by some supernatural agency recruiting those with potential. Or maybe I could be discovered by some sorcerer who sees that i magical powers, and takes me under his or her wing to show me how to use them. Or maybe I could meet up with an Vampire who wants to make me his apprentice, and makes a Dhampire or something. Unfortunately, I can't help but admire how well written the laws of physics are. That's probably why I like Videogames, Manga, and those kind of things. It just sort of takes me out of my head, and fulfills my urges to live an alternate reality.

Anyway, that's the real me, without writing an entire auto-biography.

Hopefully it wasn't too boring. Anyway, if your still reading. Your a real trooper, and thanks for listening.

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Updated 6th October 2013 at 05:50 PM by Naoto



  1. Bishie Karis-chan's Avatar
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    I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to be open with us.

    I definitely understand the not-acting-masculine thing; just because we're males doesn't mean we should be forced to follow a specific personality type, especially since girls can get away with acting boyish without trouble.
  2. CynthiaLover's Avatar
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    I know how you feel. I'm much happier playing video games, reading comics, watching anime, or playing relaxed Yugioh Duels than sports and the like. I'm fairly distant to outsiders due to crippling paranoia and social phobia, but still generally friendly. The internet helps me reconnect, but I still have trouble face-to-face. Like you, boredom is a dangerous thing with me, as my mind is always active, even when I sleep, so distractions are almost a necessity. While I'm not conscious of my sexuality (although I do have a closet kink), I am very aware to my body's "rhythms" and design, both of which make me feel awkward, especially since those areas have been brutal targets in past years. I'm also very sensitive to my surroundings, able to pick up even the most subtle changes in both weather and general location, both of which can trigger... unwanted effects.

    So I know what you're going through. I've been down that road before, and I guess I'm still somewhat on it. So know that you're not alone, something that I was unable to learn until much later in life. You have friends, and have a place where you can be you. If you ever want to talk, PM me. I'll listen.
  3. BigBadBatter's Avatar
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    Man, that must stink :( I don't understand homophobes, i hope your dad gets some understanding
  4. Naoto's Avatar
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    Thanks, all. While it's a little scary, I'm glad their are people out there who know the "Real Me". It always feels so painful just to go with the norms, and give false opinions you don't believe in.

    And I think by being open about yourself, you can become a better person.
  5. Isamu Akai's Avatar
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    I don't know you very well, but I can say that I do relate a bit to this, especially with being productive. I get bored very easily and quickly if I'm doing something. But enough about me. It's good to be open sometimes, especially for yourself.
  6. Shadow The Shiny Umbreon's Avatar
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    To be honest, I fell the same way in alot of things. I HAVE to do something at all times, I am terrible at sports and I hope this is an alternate reality and i'm more than this. I don't get along with humans much, but animals, alot of times i become great pals. I play games to fill in gaps in my life, if this is mine, and never had a GF, ever. I don't honestly like alot because of something. I also have non-human genes, such as being able to withstand 120F heat and not sweat, Can't take the cold below 85F, have a HIGH tolerance to pain, incredible endurance and tracking skills, and like to be in the woods more than any person. I know how you feel, and I hope you do get to have a great time.
  7. Life's Avatar
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    Even though I don't know you, I fell compelled to comment. My life sounds 95% like yours, so I can relate to a lot of things. Just kinda wanted to say that you aren't the only one out there who pretends to like things they hate, would rather sing than play/watch sports, and dream about alternate dimensions.

    I hope life gets better for you, you seem like the kind of person who deserves it.


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