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Pokemon Black: Unteractive Playthrough 9

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by , 24th March 2011 at 10:54 PM (837 Views)
The Fury of Oshawott! Bitch Tits Appears!

Lenora, Hawes and I rushed to the museum.

Surrounding the large dragon skeleton were people in hoods, winter boots, camouflage jeas, and messenger bags.

"Yo, Lenora, Hawes!" one of them shouted. "Interractial marriage is so not mainstream!"
"Whoo-hoo!" the others cheered.
"What the hell are you hipsters doing here?"
"We don't like labels, man!" one of them said.
Another said, "We're here to, like, steal this dragon skull. Ironically."
"Ironically," they all muttered, but at various instances so they wouldn't conform with each other.
"Not on my watch you don't!" Lenora said.
"We're not your average thieves and stuff," one said. "We're going to, like, steal this bone in front of you, instead of being steaky."
"We use moses like Night Slash and Night Shade during the day," another said.
The hipsters ironically pulled out smoke bombs and threw them, creating a miasma.
When the smoke cleared, they wre gone, and so was the dragon's skull.
"What was the point of the smoke? There's only one way they could have left, through the front door."

Lenora and I walked outside. It was night, meaning our battle lasted quite a while.

Suddenly a curly-haired hipster in tight jeans walked up and said, "Good day, Lenora. Find any good Fossils lately?"

(He capitalized Fossils because no one else did it before.)

"This is a surprise visit!" Lenora said. "Are you suffering from artist's block again?"
"Not the time to chit-chat, Lenora."

"Jack! This is Burgh."

I bet he's Jewish.

"He may not look like it, but he's Castelia City's Gym Leader!"

Yay, I'm not the only one who capitalizes "Gym Leader!" Wait...that HIPSTER? Looks like I'm going to have to teach him a lesson soon.

So while Hipster Jew and the Easily-Sidetracked Loon talked about expensive jewelry, I went into Pinwheel Forest and actually do something useful. How did I know that they were here? Video game logic: if you have an unexplored area, the villains are most likely there.

The first hipster I fought had a Sandile, which was a Ground-type and a Dark-type. The hipster said they fought ironically.

The second hipster: second verse, same as the first. Another Dark-type, Purrloin.

Dan Hibiki swept them both off their feet.


What was that?

Quote Originally Posted by War
If you capture a Sewaddle, name it Hellion. :3

This is Hellion. He has a Serious nature, and is quick tempered. (Not making this up, folks!) His ability is Swarm. He even has Ash's Sewaddle's movepool: Tackle, String Shot, Bug Bite, and Razor Leaf.

I go back to Nacrene City and trade a Cottonee for a Petilil.

Fun fact: Modest nature with great 'V's mean Lilil will kick ass! ...But it's name is too stupid, so I'll breed it with a male Cottonee so I can have a Petilil I can name.

I catch a male Cottonee (named R.J.) and dumped him and Lillil in the Day Care.

...Bitch won't let me put in two Pokemon at a time. Screw it, I'll raise another Grass-type.

(Sgt. Cheeks grew 11 levels, by the way.)

Heading back to Pinwheel Forest, I continue my rampage against the hipsters and Rangers. And children.

Oh yeah, I caught an Audino two chapters back I forgot to tell you:

Her name is Misty (U MAD?), she has a Naive nature, and she's quick tempered. Fun fact: She's named after my cat, who passed away last year due to dying.

I also fought a male Audino - he used Attract on Hickey, but Hickey wasn't effected. He must not be into bunny monsters.
Hickey also refused its Helping Hand. News for you, bub: Hickey doesn't do kindness. Or friendship. Or any form of relation to others that doesn't benefit him in some way.

After that battle, Hickey put on his sunglasses as if to say "Deal with it, Audino." he also leanred Yawn. (Ironically?)

Oh yeah, the Forest. Yeah, we started beating up things left, right, and center.


I finally cornered the last hipster. He just smiled and said, "You just don't understand us, conformer."
"You'll understand Leo's teeth in your face if you don't hand over the bone."


Several hipsters appeared from the trees and bushes. Some came drown from the vines above.

"Team Plasma ambush attack!" one of them declared.

They all called out their Pokemon: two Patrat, seven Purrloin, a Cottonee, a Venipede, and two Sandile.

I only had five Pokemon with me: Leo, Hickey, Xena, Dan Hibiki, and Misty. I was hoping to catch a new Pokemon with a good nature, but it was too late now.

As I reached for Hickey's Pokeball, a Sandile bit my hand. I held it tightly and seethed in pain.


Swinging from a vine was Bitch Tits. He slashed at the Sandile with its scalchop, but the croc wasn't fazed.

"Bitch Tits!"

He kept slashing at Sandile, and finally the croc fell.

"What just happened?" a Grunt cried out.
"That attack looks pretty strong," another Grunt said. "But it looked so weak at the beginning.
"Fury Cutter! It's a Bug-type move that gets stronger and stronger with each successful hit!"

Bitch Tits kept slashing at the Pokemon, and was soon one-shotting the Purrloin.

The Venipede, however, dodged the Fury Cutter.

Bitch Tits jumped back with surprise. The Venipede tackled it down.

Once again, another Pokemon suddenly appeared: a Patrat appeared behind me, then ran up to Bitch Tits and helped him up.

"Sgt. Cheeks?"

It was Sgt. Cheeks! I remembered taking him out of the Day Care. Maybe he was in my party after I took him out.

Sgt. Cheeks chirped to Bitch Tits, who jumped up and started swinging his scalchop at Venipede, landing quite a few successful hits.

The Venipede hissed and swung its tail, pushing Bitch Tits away.
Sgt. Cheeks, meanwhile, had finished off the other Pokemon by himself. Wow.

"Poison Tail!" a Grunt declared.

The Venipede's tail started to glow. It lunged at Bitch Tits, but Sgt. Cheecks jumped in front of B.T. and bit the Venipede's tail.


Venipede spat out a purple-black liquid in Sgt. Cheek's face, but he would not let go. Venipede kept spitting before both it and Sgt. Cheeks collapsed.

"Plasssmaaa!" the Grunts screamed. They all ran off. One threw me the Dragon Skull, begging me not to put them in jail.

I looked over Sgt. Cheeks and gave him a Pecha Berry a Ranger gave me.

I begged him to eat, but Sgt. Cheeks wouldn't open his mouth. He closed his eyes and cringed.


I stared at Oshawott and hissed, "Why couldn't you knock Venipede out?"

Bitch Tits looked at me nervously. I went on, "If you finished it off earlier, the Sarge wouldn't be...be so sick!"
"I hate you, Bitch Tis. Go away. Go away and leave me alone, you little freak!"

Sgt. Cheeks grabbed its stomach and let out a screech.

Next time: "Bridging the Gap!"

Again, no voting off team members, since Bitch Tits is leaving again.

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Updated 27th March 2011 at 11:04 AM by Karamazov

Game Updates


  1. Iteru's Avatar
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    St Cheeks =[

    How dare you let him die!
  2. Ranger Jack Walker's Avatar
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    This is Hellion. He has a Serious nature, and is quick tempered. (Not making this up, folks!)
    Thats... freakishly awesome.
  3. War's Avatar
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    Poor Sgt. Cheeks...

    Fuck yeah Sewaddle! You better treat him well!
  4. Kars's Avatar
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  5. Trainer-c's Avatar
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    BITCH TITS had a chance at being an awesome duo with Sgt. Cheeks, but he fouled it up, as usual. Will BITCH TITS ever find his redemption? Will Jack ever be free of hipsters? Will Hellion fit in with the rest of the team?
  6. Hellion's Avatar
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    This is Hellion. He has a Serious nature, and is quick tempered. (Not making this up, folks!)
    This bitch is awesome! :P

    I'll probably use a Sewaddle too in the walkthroughs where I don't pick Snivy as a partner so I hope it kicks ass! :D


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