My History, Unfinished Business, and Revelations
by, 13th May 2011 at 02:12 AM (428 Views)
Hello. If you're reading this, you either: are pissed at me for taking a hiatus of 3 months, have no idea what's going on, or have nothing better to do. Well since I've been gone for so long, let me re-introduce myself: my (user-)name is I WannaBeTheVeryBest. I've been here since September of 2010. I have better things to do than to waste my time yapping on and on in pointless threads, which is why I have such a low number of posts.
My only reason for joining was initially to create a list of the images of the then-recently revealed Gen V Pokémon and share them with the community. It was not all-that-warmly received, but I don't care. Then, I began a thread in which I wanted to discuss what the best sprites of each Pokémon were and why. I showed my selections and hoped others would comment. A mod soon locked the thread and pointed me to the Blogs. I was miffed that I had to re-do virtually the entire list of the 20 or so entries I had done, but I got past that setback too.
The Blog community was much more welcoming. I was encouraged to further advance my list of the Best Sprites of Each Pokémon. When the first entry hit 100 views, I knew I had begun something that people liked. Although the number of comments was less than I would have preferred, I never complained but continued to encourage comments. Currently, each entry has several hundred views.
BSoEP ended on Dec 22, 2010, with the advance of Gen III. I had completed two entire generations and began doing the third, but after the starters, I realized that each one only had 2 or 3 truly unique sprites. None of those selections were truly exciting. I spent about a minute each, typing and all. I would think, Well, half are the same, the rest are hardly different, and none are all that great. Perhaps if people wanted me to finish Gen 3, I might, just for the sake of views and comments, but I probably wouldn't enjoy it.
With the new year came a new project. Best Designed Pokémon is something that surprised me when I decided to undertake it. I've had artistic inclinations since childhood, and coupling that with my childhood obsession was a fresh new challenge for me, the kind that continuing BSoEP wouldn't give. The premise was that I would look at a Pokémon and judge how well it was designed based on Form, Color, and Variety (explained in the blog description). A self-indulgent addition is the Favorite Renditions segment, where I scour the Internet (by which I mean the first 10 pages of Google Images and the first 120 results from DeviantArt) for artistic renditions of the given Pokémon. Beautiful pieces of art in stylistic, digital, and many other kinds of styles are included. I offered to include a Top Cosplayer segment, but no word on that has been given.
And that's a brief history of my time on Bulbagarden. Now to business. I'll cut to the chase: life sucks. It sucks balls. You can't ever do what you want all the time, and when you can, you have to prioritize what to attend to, get it out of the way, and try to clear other goals. Case in point: I have over 230 YouTube videos queued to watch. I have around 150 bookmarks to deal with. At some time I'll snap and simply delete them all even though I know what I'll be missing. But enough rambling, my point is that the reason that I had a 3-month hiatus was due to life. This project was pushed to the back of my mind. The second edition of BDP sat unfinished. Today I can announce that I've finished it. The next edition will feature the Nidos. Though I may change plans and make each entry dedicated to just one family of Pokémon. That way I can get on the news feed more often. I'll still be careful not to become some whiny loser who puts up a half-dozen blog posts per day talking about their petty problems. God, the thought makes me shudder. I say that confidently because no one who does that would ever read something interesting or, you know, that someone put much effort into. And that's what I do.
I always ask myself if I'm doing the right thing. In this case it's, Am I wasting my time? Sure, hundreds of Pokémon fans read my work, or click on it accidentally, whatever. I don't get paid. I have spent countless hours on BSoEP and BDP. I don't know why. I could have mastered the guitar that sits alone in its case in my room. Gotten a job. Grown the balls to go on a real Goddamned date instead of hesitation, mixed messages, and letdowns. I know I beg for comments all the time, but this time is particularly crucial. Is this worth doing? I like to think that what I do is appreciated, but is it appreciated enough? Maybe I'll finish these projects in my old age when I have nothing better to do. Who knows. As of now, I am on hiatus indefinitely. I'll check back some days to see if it's worth it to continue. If I had all the time in the world, I would. I really would. But I don't. I'm an 18-year-old college kid with a life to begin. I don't have time for personal indulgences. I sleep about 5.5 hrs per night on school nights. I have clinical procrastination. I do my best and have plenty of regrets. I am human. And right now I can't do this anymore.
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