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A Guide to Sports for Dummies by Dummies

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by , 6th June 2013 at 08:24 PM (342 Views)
So, I am rather aware that there are many individuals out there in this world who don't understand sports. Now, for these poor souls, I have decided to write a short guide. Now, I know that I will be missing a lot of sports in this one, but oh well, right?


A Guide to Sports for Dummies by Dummies

Hey guys, gals, and squirrels! Have you ever heard someone talking about a particular sport and said to yourself "what the crap are they talking about?" Me too! So, I decided to write this guide based on my limited knowledge of this subject. Everything is completely accurate, and you will now have a very good mental image of what is being talked about. Only side effects will include you laughing out loud at whoever is discussing a sport.

Sports Game: Sports team that does something with a ball vs another sports team that does the same thing with the ball, only slightly better or slightly worse.

Sports Team: A bunch of folks who do things to balls, or other miscellaneous objects. Objects can include sticks, cans, cats, sheep, goats, or donkeys.

Baseball: A game that is played by a bunch of folks who whack a smallish white ball covered in stitches while running around. The ball is covered in stitches to remind them of what happens if they actually hit another person with the ball. This keeps injuries as low as possible.

Football:
a. A game with a bunch of people who wear a lot of clothes and weird contraptions underneath more clothing. They run around with a ball and sometimes jump on top of each other. Ever seen what furries call a "fur pile?" No? Well, you can spare yourself the mental trauma by watching a football game and see it in a more "socially acceptable" environment. They also sometimes try to aim the ball between two poles propped against one long pole.
b. aka Soccer: A game with a bunch of people who kick a black and white ball around on a field, trying to kick it past some dude standing in front of a net. Just imagine it as the opposite of commercial fishing.

Cricket: You know that little guy in that Pinocchio movie? You know, the little guy who said "let your conscience be your guide?" That's cricket.

Basketball: It's the AC/DC of sports. When I say that, I mean "he's got big balls, and she's got big balls, but we've got the biggest balls of them all." They try to get the ball inside of a small suspended ring that has a net underneith it. The net is open, though. If this was fishing, you'd be screwed.

Hockey: It's a game played on ice with ice skates. A bunch of people have sticks that they use to smack a flat circular black object across the ice. They try to get it past a dude who is standing in front of a net, just like the second definition of football. When things don't go as well as they should, a bunch of people with ice skate beat the crap out of other people with ice skates. It's kinda painful, I hear.
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Updated 6th June 2013 at 08:49 PM by Satoshi-kun

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Comments

  1. Phoenixphlare's Avatar
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    Seems legit
  2. CrackFox's Avatar
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    How I feel about all sports..

    Satoshi-kun likes this.
  3. Satoshi-kun's Avatar
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    @Wyvernphlare; Super duper legit. As a matter of fact, 2 Legit 2 Quit!
  4. Mijzelffan's Avatar
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    Hockey: It's a game played on ice with ice skates.
    Field hockey bro.

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