i am a gable

itp - i talk about my weight stuff. yes, i'm a guy. i hope this doesn't make reading about my body image issues any more awkward. if it does, apologies, i guess.

This might be weird, but let me give some background. As a child, I was always very self-conscious about my weight. Sensitive, if you will. My cousins sometimes brought it up when we argued and I'd cry because of it. As I child, I was obese. Well, not morbidly so, but grossly overweight. As a fifteen-year-old, I was approximately 5'8", 210 lbs. I remember sort of starving myself - I wouldn't eat lunch and I'd barely eat dinner. I was - and still am, to an extent - very self-conscious about my weight. I remember a remark someone made in seventh grade that wasn't even that aggressive (she said that I wasn't fit) to this day, and it still hurts. I never really was bullied because of my weight. Oddly enough, I was never actually bullied in general.

Fast-forward to about four months ago. I'm seventeen now. I look at the scale. 177 lbs. I smile. I've lost maybe two or three pounds since then, so I'm 5'11 ~175 lbs now. Today, in a Chicago hotel, I looked at myself and saw that I wasn't really that fat. I laughed. I feel a lot better about myself now. I'm actually comfortable in my own skin now. Well, that's not entirely true: I still want to lose ten or fifteen more pounds and I'm terribly out of shape. I can't even run for two minutes without getting tired. But I feel like this is a start.

(btw, I'm almost objectively unattractive, and no, you don't get pictures. Yet, at least.)

It's weird because I was never on a diet, ran maybe a mile once a week at the most, and rarely exercised. I don't understand how I lost as much weight as I did.