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Dealing with a anxiety/panic disorder

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by , 22nd January 2012 at 11:15 PM (489 Views)
On the outside, people would think my life is just fine and dandy. I'm a college student, a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, a moderator, a friend, an enemy, or whatever. But on the inside, there's a whole different story to me. Everyday, I suffer, face and neck tingling, stomach troubles, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, fatigue, depression, among other things. Anxiety has always been a part of my life, but only recently has it decided to show it's true colors. Anxiety used to show up only when something was going on, but now and days, it seems to occur over the simplest of things. Things like family issues, school, relationship troubles, etc. all are logical reasons for anxiety. Not things like what time it is, or what I'm going to eat for lunch. Those type of things shouldn't give me the amount of anxiety that they do. Heck, they shouldn't make me feel anxious at all. It's the fact that I have to face this multiple times a day. Simple things that people tend to overlook, cause me some of the most anxiety. It's hard living this way. Feeling exhausted, tired, sleepy, nervous, jittery, panicky, upset....that's not how anyone should face the day. There are some days where my anxiety is so bad that I just wonder why this is happening to me. Other times, I can stop the anxiety by simply putting my mind on something else. Like with most other things, it has it's good days and it's bad days. I have to live moment by moment, usually. It can be so severe that I've had to miss school because of the panic attacks.

I have manic depression as well as this anxiety/panic disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 12 years old. I've been put on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication, and this thing still occurs. It's not supposed to entirely get rid of my anxiety, but help me better control and cope with it. I've been to therapy before as well, but I'm going to go back again. My psychiatrist suggested therapy, for it should make a lot of my anxiety disappear, and teach me new coping skills. I'm hoping this new therapist works out, because the last one sure didn't help me any. I've also tried listening to music, talking with people, playing video games, writing my thoughts down, got a higher dosage of my medicine...just about everything to ease my anxiety and its symptoms. Not much has helped. So, I've started going to church more and started praying more. I can say that it's working. My symptoms aren't as bad, but I still have my moments when I just have to tough it out.

I don't expect many people to understand what it is like to have an anxiety disorder, nor do I expect any of you guys to think differently of me. It is what it is, and I just have to take my life a few moments at a time, rather than a day at a time. This isn't some stupid gimmick to get attention, or whatever. It's a real condition, and I just feel like making people aware of what it is, and how it affects people(even though it's only by my experience). People usually just say "Get over it. It's all in your head". Well, that is true, but it's much more complicated than that. It's not something you can just "get over". It takes time, and treatment. Some people may never get over it, but some people can. It all depends on whether or not you want to get better.

Here's some things that go along with anxiety disorder:
Rapid Heartbeat
Weight Loss (or in some cases, weight gain)
Fear of things beyond your control
Crying
Feelings of impending doom
Shortness of Breath
Tingling in face, neck, or head.
Changes in bowel habits
Nausea/Vomiting
Upset Stomach
Intense feelings of panic (like having to run away, escape, etc.)
Dysphagia (Basically, too much air in your body)
Racing thoughts
Unusually tired, fatigued, etc.
Balding of the scalp (losing hair)


All of these are associated with anxiety, and an anxiety disorder. There are many more of these symptoms out there. The frequency and the severity vary from person to person. But if these symptoms are affecting you and interfering with your everyday life, you should consult a physician. Just to make sure there's nothing more severe going on.
I just felt like saying my peace about this demon that I'm fighting now, and I know that I'll be able to overcome it in the future. It's only a matter of time. I know that God can bring me through this. He's brought me through many things before. He'll do it again.


Anyways, I'll leave this here. Feel free to comment.

God bless~
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  1. Ino-Chan's Avatar
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    Ah anxiety disorder. I am slowly figuring out that I have it. Thanks for being forced to drive, I've been having small attacks.

    I hope it gets better for us both, though it affects you much more than me.
  2. Hitomi's Avatar
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    I think I inherited my anxiety from my mom; she suffers so much from it and severe depression (nasty divorce, 34 years of emotional spousal abuse, abuse as a child) that more than once I've wondered if she was ever going to make it home or if the cops would come tell us that she crashed into a tree on purpose or something. My dad's of the impression that depression and anxiety are "in the head" and don't require treatment, which explains how my mom's gotten so messed up, because he wouldn't let her get meds for it until really recently, right before the divorce.

    I know a lot of people think there's no point in prayer and church attendance and that it doesn't really do anything, but I found that my own anxiety attacks are fewer when I do both - there's an overwhelming feeling of comfort that comes from prayer, and the friendship and love I feel from others at church helps me feel better about myself. Right now, I'm really suffering from it because I'm applying to graduate schools and I fret all the time that I won't be able to get into the school I want. I want to stay close to home (and one of the best programs in the country for the field I'm getting into is literally thirty minutes from home) partly because I don't want to worry about where to live, or not getting to see my family, and I'm coming to grips with the fact that there's a man in my life that I don't want to let go of, even if it's a best-friends-but-not-officially-in-a-relationship type of thing. It's the only time in my life I've ever felt like this, and I don't know what to do, really.

    Lately, I've been having weird heart flutterings, unpleasant bowel problems with stomachaches, weight loss, severe fatigue (my body is never satisfied with eight, or even nine hours of sleep), and on the nights where I don't get much sleep, I lie awake for hours thinking about things that really aren't important or relevant to my life at the time. I had chalked some of it up to asthma and my thyroid disorder, but this makes me think I should probably go to the doctor and see if anti-anxiety meds might help a little.

    I know I always feel a little better when I talk about my problems; I know other people have much worse problems than I do, but sometimes I just feel overwhelmed. :(
    Serenity likes this.
  3. Yato's Avatar
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    I feel for you. I've had anxiety attacks during last year, and it was terrible each time. That feeling of fear and panic, and extreme worry... I had cried in situations people normally wouldn't, and I even thought of skipping school because I would even feel worse in classes. (I had to leave in the middle of a class because I came close to bursting into tears). There were times I couldn't sleep because I was scared of... nothing. I lost weight to the point where the doctor had to tell me to gain weight. Everytime I think of my future, I get frustrated and there goes the panic... I'll be graduating college in two or three years, but what would I do next? Would I be able to get a job? Would I be able to go to graduate school? Would I be left behind everyone else, while my friends are gaining experience and excelling in their fields? Would I end up getting abandoned by everyone?

    It was really too stressful for me that when a psychologist visited our school and opened a temporary clinic, I went and cried and cried while I told her my whole situation, and she told me that I should go see a doctor. And that itself added to my stress because the society where I live in, they view psychology problems as mental disorders = people who are problematic. Besides, I had been teaching children at a private academy so I didn't want my boss or my students to find out.

    I tried dealing it on my own, but it wasn't easy. School became a nightmare for me because everywhere I look, everyone is studying and working, and here I am fearing over nothing. I needed someone to talk to, but I had talked too much to my best friends to burden them any more. My family had been listening to my problems but now they're just saying that I'm being stupid and unproductive and not even trying to build my future. Even though it seems I'm spilling everything about me around, I kept pretty much everything to myself and avoided places where there were lots of people. School, of course, I couldn't skip, so I had to bear with it.

    Just three weeks ago, as a New Year's Resolution, I signed up for a part-time job at a department store as part of getting over my anxiety attacks. A sales assistant has to deal with loads of people buying merchandises, and perhaps I might be able at least talk to people freely without worrying. It sort of worked, because I didn't have anxiety attacks as much as before during my part-time job. Maybe it's because I was too worn out selling clothes and running to the storage room to get more products, but at least now I don't fear people as much as before. I'm still far from being completely cured, but I'm working on it :)


    I'm pretty glad that you wrote this blog, because I haven't met much people that I can share my story with. I'm not sure if you'd welcome mine, but I do hope you get over your problems in a good way. Stay positive, and make a wish you'd totally enjoy! Happy New Year XDD
    Serenity likes this.
  4. Serenity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hitomi
    I think I inherited my anxiety from my mom; she suffers so much from it and severe depression (nasty divorce, 34 years of emotional spousal abuse, abuse as a child) that more than once I've wondered if she was ever going to make it home or if the cops would come tell us that she crashed into a tree on purpose or something. My dad's of the impression that depression and anxiety are "in the head" and don't require treatment, which explains how my mom's gotten so messed up, because he wouldn't let her get meds for it until really recently, right before the divorce.

    I know a lot of people think there's no point in prayer and church attendance and that it doesn't really do anything, but I found that my own anxiety attacks are fewer when I do both - there's an overwhelming feeling of comfort that comes from prayer, and the friendship and love I feel from others at church helps me feel better about myself. Right now, I'm really suffering from it because I'm applying to graduate schools and I fret all the time that I won't be able to get into the school I want. I want to stay close to home (and one of the best programs in the country for the field I'm getting into is literally thirty minutes from home) partly because I don't want to worry about where to live, or not getting to see my family, and I'm coming to grips with the fact that there's a man in my life that I don't want to let go of, even if it's a best-friends-but-not-officially-in-a-relationship type of thing. It's the only time in my life I've ever felt like this, and I don't know what to do, really.

    Lately, I've been having weird heart flutterings, unpleasant bowel problems with stomachaches, weight loss, severe fatigue (my body is never satisfied with eight, or even nine hours of sleep), and on the nights where I don't get much sleep, I lie awake for hours thinking about things that really aren't important or relevant to my life at the time. I had chalked some of it up to asthma and my thyroid disorder, but this makes me think I should probably go to the doctor and see if anti-anxiety meds might help a little.

    I know I always feel a little better when I talk about my problems; I know other people have much worse problems than I do, but sometimes I just feel overwhelmed. :(
    Oh boy, I've been there with the guy thing. I'm in a situation like that now. Except the guy and I did date...it just didn't work out. I'm still crazy enough to love him, even though we're only really good friends. and College is a major source of anxiety/stress. That's one of mine currently anyways. ^^;; So, I can definitely relate.

    I understand, and it's best to let it all out. Bottling it up is like a ticking time bomb. You're gonna have a panic attack eventually. ^^;; I've learned that the hard way myself. and yeah, I would have a doctor give you a check-up. Just to make sure it's not a thyroid problem or something. That's what they thought was wrong with my step-sister, but it was just anxiety. Her's is much worse than mine, actually. I haven't got bald spots in my head as of yet. .__. But yeah, if you need anyone to talk to whenever you're feeling overwhelmed or having a bad day or something, just hit me up with a PM or something. I'm not always on, but I'll answer as soon as I see the message. I promise that it wouldn't bother me a bit. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one in the world who deals with this issue. ^^;
    Hitomi likes this.
  5. Serenity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Destiny Queen
    I feel for you. I've had anxiety attacks during last year, and it was terrible each time. That feeling of fear and panic, and extreme worry... I had cried in situations people normally wouldn't, and I even thought of skipping school because I would even feel worse in classes. (I had to leave in the middle of a class because I came close to bursting into tears). There were times I couldn't sleep because I was scared of... nothing. I lost weight to the point where the doctor had to tell me to gain weight. Everytime I think of my future, I get frustrated and there goes the panic... I'll be graduating college in two or three years, but what would I do next? Would I be able to get a job? Would I be able to go to graduate school? Would I be left behind everyone else, while my friends are gaining experience and excelling in their fields? Would I end up getting abandoned by everyone?

    It was really too stressful for me that when a psychologist visited our school and opened a temporary clinic, I went and cried and cried while I told her my whole situation, and she told me that I should go see a doctor. And that itself added to my stress because the society where I live in, they view psychology problems as mental disorders = people who are problematic. Besides, I had been teaching children at a private academy so I didn't want my boss or my students to find out.

    I tried dealing it on my own, but it wasn't easy. School became a nightmare for me because everywhere I look, everyone is studying and working, and here I am fearing over nothing. I needed someone to talk to, but I had talked too much to my best friends to burden them any more. My family had been listening to my problems but now they're just saying that I'm being stupid and unproductive and not even trying to build my future. Even though it seems I'm spilling everything about me around, I kept pretty much everything to myself and avoided places where there were lots of people. School, of course, I couldn't skip, so I had to bear with it.

    Just three weeks ago, as a New Year's Resolution, I signed up for a part-time job at a department store as part of getting over my anxiety attacks. A sales assistant has to deal with loads of people buying merchandises, and perhaps I might be able at least talk to people freely without worrying. It sort of worked, because I didn't have anxiety attacks as much as before during my part-time job. Maybe it's because I was too worn out selling clothes and running to the storage room to get more products, but at least now I don't fear people as much as before. I'm still far from being completely cured, but I'm working on it :)


    I'm pretty glad that you wrote this blog, because I haven't met much people that I can share my story with. I'm not sure if you'd welcome mine, but I do hope you get over your problems in a good way. Stay positive, and make a wish you'd totally enjoy! Happy New Year XDD
    It's not a fun situation to be in. I panic and cry over some of the oddest things it seems. Last year, when my dad had gotten cancer, I ended up GAINING weight instead of losing it, despite me being sick all of the time. It was ridiculous at how much weight I had gained. Close to 30 pounds or more. I'm only now close to losing all of that excess weight off. So, I kind of welcome the weight loss for me. It's not fun being sick or anything though. It wasn't until I was twelve and I had to have a psychologist evaluate me that my anxiety disorder was apparent. My family thought I was just being a big baby about everything. This was ontop of finding out I had depression as well. It made school hard to deal with. I got picked on for "being weird" or "being different". That was because no one really understood what I was going through. Like you, I would be afraid to go to sleep at night, so I ended up staying up all night and sleeping all day because it felt safe to sleep during the day. I start counseling again on the 30th, so I'm hoping that will start making things easier. Because, trust me, when you can talk to someone about your problems, it makes the anxiety a LOT easier to deal with.

    Wow, that's great to hear. That the job has been helping you, I mean. I've actually been looking for a job myself, but I'm trying to do my studies as well, so I'm kind of putting off finding a job until later on. XD

    Of course. I'm willing to listen to anyone's story. I wish you the best as well. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm more than willing to listen. :)
  6. Nicoleta01's Avatar
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    I haven't been diagnosed with any anxiety or panic disorders, but I have been experiencing situations that are similar to yours. For me, I constantly worry over some small health problem. This happened after I got a chronic sinus infection, and it took over 2 months to beat it down last year, since then, I worry that I am besieged by health problems that could harm me. I realize that my panicking is the cause of almost all of my symptoms, such as headaches, heart racing, shaking, etc. I would worry that the double vision and headaches I had were the result of a brain tumor when it was really that I was nearsighted and I grind my teeth at night. Or I would worry that my muscle twitching would be because of X, Y, or maybe Z. Thankfully, most of the sources of stress are gone, and I am getting better on my own. I tend to focus on happy thoughts and also challenge myself to combat the problem.

    I'm glad that you are getting help though. Hopefully your new therapist will be able to get you to overcome the problems; but, you are strong, and with the right attitude I bet you can make it through. :)
    Serenity likes this.
  7. Serenity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicoleta01
    I haven't been diagnosed with any anxiety or panic disorders, but I have been experiencing situations that are similar to yours. For me, I constantly worry over some small health problem. This happened after I got a chronic sinus infection, and it took over 2 months to beat it down last year, since then, I worry that I am besieged by health problems that could harm me. I realize that my panicking is the cause of almost all of my symptoms, such as headaches, heart racing, shaking, etc. I would worry that the double vision and headaches I had were the result of a brain tumor when it was really that I was nearsighted and I grind my teeth at night. Or I would worry that my muscle twitching would be because of X, Y, or maybe Z. Thankfully, most of the sources of stress are gone, and I am getting better on my own. I tend to focus on happy thoughts and also challenge myself to combat the problem.

    I'm glad that you are getting help though. Hopefully your new therapist will be able to get you to overcome the problems; but, you are strong, and with the right attitude I bet you can make it through. :)
    I had a bad incident where I did the same thing, a few months ago. I kept thinking that every little thing wrong with me was cancer. I don't know why I thought that, nor will I ever really know. I'm thinking it had to do with my dad getting cancer in January of last year. I saw how he almost died, and I guess the fear took over from there.

    I've been trying to focus on happy thoughts, but it always seems that the thing that causes the anxiety makes its way back into my mind. It's like I can't get it to leave. It's tough, but I've got to keep trying anyways.

    Thank you. I know I'll make it through. It's only a matter of time. ^^;
  8. Luminosity's Avatar
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    I had an anxiety disorder. It started out with me getting panic attacks when I was in class at my community college. Then I started feeling anxious any time I was on campus, regardless of whether I was in class or not. Eventually, it got to the point that I felt on edge all the time, even when I was at home or doing something that I usually would find fun or relaxing. I could barely eat because of the nausea my anxiety triggered, and I couldn't sleep. I went to see my doctor and I remember only getting out one sentence before I broke down and started crying. With a combination of medication, counseling, and just taking it day by day, I was able to overcome my anxiety. Actually, I'm less likely to become anxious now than I was before I developed an anxiety disorder.

    Thank you for sharing your experiences, and I wish you the very best in your fight against anxiety. You have a great attitude and outlook, so I'm sure you can conquer it. Hopefully your new therapist will be a big help :)
    Serenity likes this.
  9. Serenity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminosity
    I had an anxiety disorder. It started out with me getting panic attacks when I was in class at my community college. Then I started feeling anxious any time I was on campus, regardless of whether I was in class or not. Eventually, it got to the point that I felt on edge all the time, even when I was at home or doing something that I usually would find fun or relaxing. I could barely eat because of the nausea my anxiety triggered, and I couldn't sleep. I went to see my doctor and I remember only getting out one sentence before I broke down and started crying. With a combination of medication, counseling, and just taking it day by day, I was able to overcome my anxiety. Actually, I'm less likely to become anxious now than I was before I developed an anxiety disorder.

    Thank you for sharing your experiences, and I wish you the very best in your fight against anxiety. You have a great attitude and outlook, so I'm sure you can conquer it. Hopefully your new therapist will be a big help :)
    Mine I think started when I was 7, and my parents divorced, right after the untimely death of my papaw(mom's dad). It was simple things that started it, but it's escalated into much more. It's getting to the point that I have panic attacks right before class starts, and I have to miss because I'll get so sick from my panic attack. I've lost 6 pounds in the past few days because of my anxiety so far. I hope I don't lose too much more. XD

    I'm glad you're doing better with your anxiety. And thank you. I'm really hoping I can beat it. It's tough. ^^;
    Luminosity likes this.
  10. Karma Kidd's Avatar
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    At first some of the systems were matching except the vomiting and crying.

    I haven't cried since my pet birds died.

    I just ran out of tears.
  11. Serenity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King Maggot
    At first some of the systems were matching except the vomiting and crying.

    I haven't cried since my pet birds died.

    I just ran out of tears.
    Maybe you should go to the doctor and get a checkup?? Just to make sure you're alright, and there's nothing more serious going on.

    Aww.

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