Blasphemy: A Criticism of the Original 151 (1/2)
by, 8th July 2010 at 10:38 AM (398 Views)
(This is not to be taken seriously in case you're wondering.)
Bulbasaur, Ivysaur, Venosaur: A frog-lizard-thing with a plant on its back. Fair enough.
Charmander, Charmeleon, Charizard: Ok. So we got lizard-> bigger lizard -> dragon. Where'd the wings come from?
Squirtle, Wartortle, Blastoise: Why does Wartortle have such a goofy tail? It turns into a regular tail when it evolves so what's the point? And how does Blastoise have metal water cannons? Did he grow them himself or did he go to the local hardware store?
Caterpie, Metapod, Butterfree, Weedle, Kakuna, Beedrill: The coccoon pokemon are full of fail. Heck, bug pokemon in general suck. Why even bother?
Pidgey, Pidgeotto, Pidgeot: Everything looks good until you get to the end. Pidegot looks like he's wearing a blond wig he got at the dollar store.
Rattata, Raticate: Their only purpose is to be destroyed.
Spearow, Fearow: What you catch when there are no Pidgey around.
Ekans, Arbok: What the grunts of every Pokemon Criminal organization in existence uses. Because snakes are EVIL.
Pikachu, Raichu: The mascot of one of Nintendo's most successful franchises and its unloved older brother.
Sandshrew, Sandslash: Tries to be Pikachu and Raichu, but fails. Hard.
Nidoran(m&f), Nidorina, Nidorino, Nidoqueen, Nidoking: Wait. Is it just me or does Nidoqueen look like it has boobs?
Clefairy, Clefable: Oh, goody, fairies. Perfect for intimidating the competition.
Vulpix, Ninetales: They promote bestiality.
Jigglypuff, Wigglytuff: Clefairy and Clefable's fat cousins.
Zubat, Golbat: GO AWAY.
Oddish, Gloom, Vileplume: Illegal in most developed countries with the exception of the Netherlands.
Paras, Parasect: *See above entry*
Venonat, Venomoth: Thank goodness there isn't another coccoon pokemon here.
Diglett, Dugtrio: Dugtrio is just three Diglett that got stuck together. What's the point?
Meowth, Persian: Annoying cat evolves into deadly predator.
Psyduck, Golduck: Just because you're big and blue now, it doesn't make you any less stupid.
Mankey, Primeape: Just what I wanted. A monkey that enjoys punching me in the face.
Growlithe, Arcanine: Since when is a puppy legendary? LIES.
Poliwag, Poliwhirl, Poliwrath: Poliwhirl and Poliwrath look almost exactly the same. What are you trying to do here?
Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam: I'll sleep well tonight knowing that my pokemon are planning to enslave the human race.
Machop, Machoke, Machamp: I always wanted my own personal WWE wrestler.
Bellsprout, Weepinbell, Victreebell: They're great in salads.
Tentacool, Tentacruel: The Zubats and Golbats of the sea.
Geodude, Graveler, Golem: Geodude and Graveler are lame but Golem got a starring role in Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark.
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