How To Make Friends
by, 20th August 2011 at 01:24 PM (352 Views)
School will be starting soon for almost everyone here, and you know what that means. It's time to make some friends! Now don't strat whining about how you already have friends, because you don't. No-one here does. I mean, if anyone here had actual friends, they wouldn't spend time on a forum dedicated to pokemon. Therefor I, Megaman, have decided to help all you hapless losers out there get friends.
You need to make a good first impression, so appearence is everything. Remember, thicker glasses make you look smarter. Get the biggest, dorkiest pair that you can find. It doesn't even matter if you wear glasses or not, get them anyways. Remember, people like casual people, so don't comb your hair. In fact, get it wet right before you go to sleep. It'll show people that you're a real devil may care sort of person. To help your image along even more, find some old clothes with stains and rips. Many rips. Rips are in right now. If you're a girl, you'll need makeup. I know that some feminists or people like that say that girls have natural beauty, but that's BS. If you aren't wearing makeup, you should have a bag over your head, ugly. Still, I understand that you're on a budget, so don't buy those designer brand makeup thingys. I have a much better plan. Snazzaroo. I assume that you've seen the commercials. It's a revolutionary face painting kit. It's got all the makeup stuff you need. Am I going to tell you how to apply it? Hell no! I've got better things to do. Figure it out yourself.
Now that I've got you looking presentable, we need to talk about introductions. Most people would tell you to just say hi. They're fools. What if you say hi, and it turns out that the person you chose was a bigger loser than you? You'd be stuck in a hopeless friendship. No, you need to walk up to every single person and inspect them carefully. You should spend at least twenty minutes on each person. Finally, after staring at every single person in your school, pick out the people who you've decided would make high quality friends. What? You say I didn't tell you how to introduce yourself. Don't worry, after doing this, everyone in school will know your name.
Now it's time to get them to accept you as a friend. Be assertive! You need to let your potential friends know that you aren't just some loser begging to be invited to their party, but that you're some loser who won't leave them alone until you get an invitation! Follow them around, but be quiet. You don't want to scare them away. After quietly watching them from a distance, insert yourself into the group. Make sure you have an opinion of EVERYTHING! Also, you should disagree with them quite a bit. People hate yes men.
Now, if you've followed my instructions, you should have some brand new, high-quality friends!*
*Disclaimer. The advice given in this blog isn't really all that good. In fact, its all one big joke! I hope that this didn't cause anyone any confusion. If you actually followed this advice, you have my pity.
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