The battle for the bedroom: A man vs wasp story
by, 21st July 2012 at 04:08 AM (2181 Views)
I've only been awake 15 minutes and I've already had enough. I just had a long and drawn battle with a wasp in my bedroom (15 minutes is long, k). So here's what happened.
I was dreaming away, probably about some utter nonsense, then I hear this buzzing in the dream. What is this buzzing? It doesn't stop. Eventually it wakes me. I sat up, startled. What is this buzzing? It was still going and it was very irritating. Then, I noticed it! A fly, buzzing around my blind. So I dragged myself up out of bed, lifted up the blind and prepared to force it out through ludicrous above the head arm-waving. So half asleep, I started thrashing my arms around my head, hoping to knock the little shit unconscious or divert it towards the window. However all attempts were in vein, as it didn't work.
I thought to myself that I better put my glasses on and check that it is a fly, because I get wasps in my room all the time in summer. So, I looked around for my glasses, picked them up and put them on. Then what do I see? A huge fat wasp buzzing around. So the arm-waving was out of the window at this point (unlike the wasp, which refused to leave) because I didn't want to anger it and get stung.
Next plan was, use the blind to trap it near the window. I waited until it was back near the window... then BAM! Trap worked! And GUESS WHAT? The wasp left out of the window! I felt so relieved and laid back down in my comfy fluffy bed.
Two seconds later what do I hear?
The stupid thing had only flown back in again.
This time, I just pulled the blind up and laid in bed, hoping that the wasp would fly out on its own. I waited... I waited. Nope. In fact, it was flying the opposite direction the whole time! It landed back over the near the window eventually, so I blind-trapped it again so it wouldn't get back in... but the wasp was crawling around the outside of (fml seriously). It started to crawl around the bottom, so I grabbed the blind and pushed it, hopefully crushing it to the death. Its buzzing went insane at this point. It went all high pitch and squeaky, so I thought it was dying. After a minute of being crushed I let go and the blind dropped down and the wasp flew out. I can only presume the weird change in buzz was because it was angry. I had weakened it however, as it sound landed on the blind.
Time to get serious. You don't wake up a guy while he's enjoying his sleep and proceed to harrass him and refuse to leave his room, even leaving once and then just coming back in again. It's just impolite. So I grabbed the blind and pulled it, starting to roll it up, and therefore rolling the wasp in the part where it all gather - hopefully killing it again. So I rolled it all the way to the top and this time there was no buzzing. I felt quite accomplished. I had done it. Now to roll the blind back down to stop anymore getting in (like it even worked the first time) return to bed and relax. I started rolling the blind down and what would you know? The wasp isn't dead.
WHY WON'T YOU DIE. What the hell are you made of stupid wasp.
So I ran for the door because it was angry. I turned. Couldn't see it. I crept forward and looking on the floor next to bed. There it was crawling around. It looked like it was going to crawl under my bed (aw hell no, not having it living under there) so i started to move the bed out of its way. I went to get a cup and trap it inside (I figured it had had enough punishment at this point, and it was clear that it was some sort of invincible wasp anymore) so I could throw it out of the window. I grabbed a cup, went back to the side of the bed... ZOOM! The wasp flies up right at me. So this time I bolted for the door, but when I had turned it had gone.
I looked about the room with no sign of it. I lifted up my sheet and pillows. No sign of it.
I can only guess it flew out of the window. BUT, I don't know that. And I'd rather not sit on a (dying) wasp if it could sting me.
So I've had to relocate downstairs. Just when I was nice and cosy aswell!
As is always said about war: there are no winners. The wasp received some serious, possibly fatal injuries in our battle. Meanwhile I have been refused access to more sleep because the bed room is cordened off.
Let this be a lesson to wasps: Stay out of my room. Just because the window is partially open that doesn't mean you have a free entry. Stay out or I will put the hurt on you. Especially don't come in and start that ridiculous buzzing and wake me up. Then, when you are told to leave, you leave and come back! Learn some manners, wasp-folk. We ain't standing for it, you know.
Also, let this be a lesson to us: If a wasp flies in your room, don't fight it. If you do, you might just end up in a situation like me: half-asleep, groggy, and duking it out with a wasp of steel only to end up losing.
Now to get some cereal.
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