I guess I'll be honest for a moment.
by, 14th December 2012 at 12:49 AM (192 Views)
Some of you may know (I'm sorry if you do LOL) that I'm trying to have a beard for a full year. Now it's all in good fun to be silly and all that jive, but..I guess one could say it started because I didn't have the will to shave it. I just...didn't. That's the thing. I just didn't shave it. Was I too busy? No, not really. Did I grow it out to look cool? Of course not, it looks silly. Was my mind on other things? Yes. It was. On a lot of things, really, I suppose. You see...for perhaps the first time in my vile little insect life, I felt actual sadness. Not "the McRib is gone" sadness or "My favorite TV show ended" sadness. Actual gut-knotting sadness. A person I had genuine feelings for, well, left my life, I guess you could say. (I guess? I don't know how to word it) This person didn't die or move across the ocean or anything, but still. This person left me thinking too damn much and I find myself pondering things and over-thinking and being disgruntled and etc etc etc. It was rough. So one could say this beard is a "depression" beard. Now, I dunno how to actually classify depression, but this was the closest thing I've ever been to depressed. All of summer and fall I was blue. I didn't show it that much, I hid it and stored it away, because that's how I deal with every fleeting emotion I dare have. Except this one wasn't fleeting. It stuck to me like a cancer. I was sad. So...I dunno, I hate being sad even a little bit, so I thought of the "keep the beard a whole year" thing one day and thought it'd help me for get that person and the actual feelings I had and stuff. I wish things were different. I wish they turned out different. But oh well. This beard, stupid as it may be, reminds me to take something depressing and sad and to make it a goal and a fun time, no matter how pointless it is. I guess. I'm over any sort of depression I was in, really. Time really does help a lot. Just something to ramble about, I guess.
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