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Kaori

I am not feeling so good today.

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by , 6th October 2012 at 09:52 AM (220 Views)
After what happened in my Drama class on Friday, I've lost all confidence to be honest. Since I started studying it it's taken a lot of nerve and composure to successfully participate and have everybody watching me and listening to me, but a new girl to the class totally blew it out of the water by interrupting me for no good reason and making a scene in front of everybody, kissing her teeth and shouting out because I wasn't "leaving any answers for her". I froze up and it took me right back to when I was being bullied and couldn't say boo to a goose. In the end, I just blushed horribly, cried and couldn't continue to speak or have the courage to go back into the lesson after the teacher advised I go out for a walk to calm down after she told the girl to be quiet because she didn't want anybody feeling cut off in the class. I was trying my absolute best with the discussion and that's what it got me.

I don't even feel like I've the nerve to study it any more, as much as I love it and as much as my teacher insists I am what is keeping the class at the necessary standard. I don't know why that effected me so much, but I just feel horrible about myself now and I can't shake the low, withdrawn mood it's put me in, much less get together the confidence to look anybody in the face again. I can't even look my own mother or the very teacher who pulled me through the shit with my dad in the eyes any more, how the heck am I gonna survive performing monologues to examiners?

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  1. Ghetsis-Dennis's Avatar
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    Sounds to me that you must've imagined the girl who interrupted you as yourself if you were more confident in yourself, and you fear it'll turn you into an arrogant individual. That alone only gave me a reason why confidence stinks, and that girl should be ashamed of herself.
  2. Froakie's Avatar
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    Sorry that happened to you. >: I wouldn't let the actions of one person you hardly even know make you become this upset, though. If she's not going to be nice to you, then you should try and not let her get to you and just ignore her actions. I'm sure the other people in your class won't think anything of it, and will probably only think worse of the girl who rudely interrupted you and made you upset. Confidence is really easy to lose when you're taken off guard like that and you react adversely to that in front of others, but it's also not that hard to regain if you try to forget what made you lose confidence in the first place.

    Try not to let the lack of motivation to carry on stop you. If you let it do that, it'll only build up and get worse the longer you leave it, and you'll end up thinking that the people who shot you down have won. They haven't; it's just harder for others to deal with stuff like that (me included) but it shouldn't make you feel horrible about yourself or feel anxious. Think positively and act like it hasn't affected you. Even if it still does inside, outwardly hiding it should eventually stop it completely.
    Jadeco likes this.
  3. Kaori's Avatar
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    @Ghetsis-Dennis;
    Oh Ghetsis. You're getting a bit too philosophical for me, I think.

    @Croag;
    I'll try my best. I think I just need some time to lick my wounds or something. I know in theory that what she did was wrong and that she's the one who's acted like a bad person here, but because I'm not in a very tolerant or supportive class I fear that they will judge me for my reaction too.

    In actual fact, when my teacher spoke to me when I went back for my stuff, she did tell me not to take it personally because the girl probably wanted attention and I do impressively every lesson anyway, but it was so shocking to have that happen. In the end, to show myself I will do better than people like her, I went and did a couple of hours of unnecessary work before my next lesson, so.
  4. Ghetsis-Dennis's Avatar
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    @Ebelle; If it bothers you, then I'll probably stop.
  5. Kaori's Avatar
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    @Ghetsis-Dennis;
    Haha! Not really, I find it interesting most of the time. I just found it a bit hard to follow at first because I'm pretty tired right now. :P

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