I am not feeling so good today.
by, 6th October 2012 at 09:52 AM (220 Views)
After what happened in my Drama class on Friday, I've lost all confidence to be honest. Since I started studying it it's taken a lot of nerve and composure to successfully participate and have everybody watching me and listening to me, but a new girl to the class totally blew it out of the water by interrupting me for no good reason and making a scene in front of everybody, kissing her teeth and shouting out because I wasn't "leaving any answers for her". I froze up and it took me right back to when I was being bullied and couldn't say boo to a goose. In the end, I just blushed horribly, cried and couldn't continue to speak or have the courage to go back into the lesson after the teacher advised I go out for a walk to calm down after she told the girl to be quiet because she didn't want anybody feeling cut off in the class. I was trying my absolute best with the discussion and that's what it got me.
I don't even feel like I've the nerve to study it any more, as much as I love it and as much as my teacher insists I am what is keeping the class at the necessary standard. I don't know why that effected me so much, but I just feel horrible about myself now and I can't shake the low, withdrawn mood it's put me in, much less get together the confidence to look anybody in the face again. I can't even look my own mother or the very teacher who pulled me through the shit with my dad in the eyes any more, how the heck am I gonna survive performing monologues to examiners?
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