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(Probably my only blog entry) I'm miserable

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by , 8th July 2010 at 04:00 PM (540 Views)

I really, really, REALLY hate this!

A few months ago, on gaia, I created a thread, looking for online friends, and maybe a girlfriend/boyfriend.

I met a really wondeful person, a girl, not too long after I posted it.

In the beginning, we were really wonderful friends.
We had so much in common, and we talked all the time, and we just had lots of fun.
I was so happy.

Not long after that, I started getting gifts from an annonymous person, and it turns out it was her!
When I found out that she really liked me, and wanted to go out... I can't describe how I felt, but it was different, and better, than anything I had ever felt before!

My face turned so deep a shade of red that I swear blood flow had stopped everywhere else, my heart was beating so fast that it hurt, like it was going to just... break out from behind my ribcage, and flutter like a hummingbird's wings in my hands before exploding from shear happiness.
So of course I agreed to go out with her.

My happiness was short lived though...

She was going to spend more time at work, and school, and she didn't want me to get the short end of the stick, so we broke up.

Oh the dissapointment...

It felt like someone had thrust a blunt, red hot rod through my still beating heart and twisted it...

That was in May... And I still think about her all the time...

But we don't talk at all anymore...

I'm online all the time...
And she's on occasionally...
But we... just don't talk anymore...

Oh, cruel irony, why must thou take thy fury out on me?

I had been looking for friends, and found a wonderful girlfriend even though I was still recovering from my mentally abusive ex, and now I have lost even her...

I feel as though I shall be driven mad by the lack of her existence in my life...

What am I to do?

Do I dare attempt to rekindle what was once our wonderful friendship, and hope that someday, somehow, I recover that majestically, blissfully painful love?

Or do I simply allow things to remain as they are, sinking deeper into my own depression and insanity, driven to the brink of despair with the thought that I had something so wonderful withing my grasp only to lose it once I had barely brushed my fingers across its surface?

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  1. Scarlet Sky's Avatar
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    T_T I feel bad for you... I wish I could give advice and actually be helpful to you, but... I'm at a loss for words right not... That must be painful.
  2. Turtle Tamer Kammy's Avatar
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    Time to move on. There are plenty of girls.


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