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Just a few thoughts

Betrayed, rejected, unwanted

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Yes, its time for another sad blog.

Today was my last day of summer, I wasted the whole day, sitting around waiting for Phoenicks to come online so I could speak to him as I enjoy talking to him, and wanted to spend my last day of summer talking to him, but he hasn't come on at all.

We used to spend loads of time PMing each other, when he was on summer break too, and we became close friends, but when he went back to school he promised he would be more busy but we'd stay friends, and he'd be on late nights on the weekdays, and talk to me on weekends.

So each night for the past 2 weeks ive waited up really late, but he hasn't come on, until I find out, he hides as invisible so he can talk to other people such as Nicoleta (no offence to her she is lovely) and post in his healthcare thread, but he hasnt sent a signle post to me, or responded to one of mine.

I feel betrayed almost, that close friendship is gone, and it's like I've stopped existing, all this time I thought he was busy, he's not he's just invisible.

This is always the case with me, no one wants to be my friend, i want to shout and scream, but then people only look at you weird, and are even horribler to you. In school no one really wants to be my friend, i have to go up and talk to other people, and I never make it into a clic.

I'm always the friend they "forget" to invite to the party, or "forget" to include in their plans. In the past I've felt suicidal over it, and if it wasn't for the thought of leaving behind my mum on this planet without me I would have killed myself long ago.

Which brings me to another point, would anyone care. Not really. say I didnt come on Bulbagarden for a month, would anyone ask where Ciaran has gone, I have over 30 so called friends in my contacts, but would any of them care if I was to disapear. Would anyone have even bothtered to read this far down in this blog?

Truth is, people naturally hate me, I have this aura or something that repels people, I've never been able to penetrate into a clic, I always feel left out on the outside.

I just feel so low, and I bet I'll get at least one person calling this blog, moaning or whining or emo or soemthing.

I really want help, I really want friends, to be close in a group to have a person that i can tell all my secrets to and they tell all there secrets to me, because we trust eachother, someone who actually cares if I exist or not, someone who actually wants to spend time with me, if so many people can get that, why cant i?

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Updated 6th September 2009 at 12:59 PM by Ciaran

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Comments

  1. Spectre's Avatar
    Harsh Diryn
  2. Ciaran's Avatar
    That was completely uncalled for, I hope you get punished for that.
  3. Luxio's Avatar
    if so many people can get that, why cant i?
    You wanted the question answered, I'll answer it for you.

    You manipulate people. Heavily. And you know exactly what I'm talking about so don't pretend you don't. And in fact, before I even start to tell you this - this is not me 'having a go at you' or me 'hating you' because you don't see eye to eye - truth is, we don't, that's fact, that's over and done with. So you can report this blog comment if you like, like you reported my visitor messages, that's fine too and you can try to be my friend if you like, but unfortunately that isn't going to happen.

    But - you manipulate people Ciaran - it's what you do. And you need to sort it out my friend. You are also incredibly ostentatious, almost as ostentatious as that Max King fellow was, before he went down the pan and got himself PERMAB&.

    You want respect, my friend - you don't get respect. You earn respect. You have friends on this forum, we both know that ; but if you intend on keeping them, heed my advice.
  4. Spectre's Avatar
    I know Diryn's side of the story- and I understand what Matchbox is saying. But you feel betrayed. I feel sorry for you. I want to help.
  5. Ciaran's Avatar
    [QUOTE=Matchbox;bt22031]You wanted the question answered, I'll answer it for you.

    You manipulate people. Heavily. And you know [B][U][I]exactly[/I][/U][/B] what I'm talking about so don't pretend you don't. [/Quote]

    I honestly don't. Please, I'm serious about this, if I have a big character flaw I really want to know, and I don't see how I've manipulated anyone, if I have, then it wasn't a conscious decision, and I really really don't know to what you are refering, please tell me in a PM.

    [Quote]
    And in fact, before I even start to tell you this - this is not me 'having a go at you' or me 'hating you' because you don't see eye to eye - truth is, we don't, that's fact, that's over and done with.[/Quote]

    [Quote]So you can report this blog comment if you like, like you reported my visitor messages, that's fine too[/Quote]

    I reported one.

    [Quote]and you can try to be my friend if you like, but unfortunately that isn't going to happen.[/Quote]

    I really want to be your friend though.


    [Quote]But - you manipulate people Ciaran - it's what you do. And you need to sort it out my friend. [/Quote]

    I really am not aware of manipulating people, but obviously there is something wrong with me for people not to like me, so can you please point out in a PM how I manipulate people, I'm not denying it, I'm just saying I am unaware I do it if I do do it.

    [QUOTE]You are also incredibly ostentatious,[/QUOTE]

    what does that mean

    [QUOTE] almost as ostentatious as that Max King fellow was, before he went down the pan and got himself PERMAB&. [/QUOTE]

    Never heard of him.

    [QUOTE]You want respect, my friend - you don't get respect. You [B]earn[/B] respect. [/QUOTE]

    I want to earn your respect then, how do I do it.

    [Quote]You have friends on this forum, we both know that ; but if you intend on keeping them, heed my advice.[/QUOTE]

    I don't have any real friends on this forum, or any people who would care if I disapeared for ever.
  6. Spectre's Avatar
    I would care. I don't know you, but if I found out something bad had happened, it would hurt. I'm odd like that :-P
  7. Ciaran's Avatar
    Thank you Jake.
  8. Luxio's Avatar
    Most interesting.
    You ask me to do something for you Ciaran (of which I worked especially hard on. A good few months on, infact) and yet, I get told:

    Ciaran has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her.

    If you are trying to send this message to multiple recipients, remove Ciaran from the recipient list and send the message again.
    Interesting that, seeing as you PM'ed me too, asking if I'd PM you. Something to hide?
  9. Ciaran's Avatar
    No, that is due to my settings, I changed them to stop DCM sending me private messages, can you send it to me now.
  10. ShadowDeeps's Avatar
    We're all human and we all make mistakes. That doesn't make us failure without a paltry window into dubiousness, does it? I don't want to start upon any trouble but I'd give Ciaran a second chance, though he honestly seems like an amazingly nice person to me who sincerely wants friendship as much as I do and cares very deeply for all his friends whilst bearing so very admirable sensitivity. I just want you to know that I care about all of my friends with my heart and soul in full and I support you no matter what happens. *hugs Ciaran*
  11. Ho-oh's Avatar
    It's your attitude. Refer to your first two blogs for my advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Diryn
    Two words:

    Fuck off.
    Harsh, buddy. He may complain a lot, but still.
    Updated 6th September 2009 at 03:28 PM by Ho-oh
  12. ChinYao's Avatar
    SO WHAT!?!? So what if Ciaran is whiny? That's his personality- it was SHAPED by his settings and surroundings. You really think being rude to him will make him change? No, it's gonna be exactly the same if not worse!

    So leave him alone already, I'm sick of people trying to force others to change who they are- on a Pokemon forum of all places! Let Ciaran be himself already! If we change who we are just because someone else doesn't like us as we are- then this forum wouldn't exist, because obviously to the world we should grow up and stop liking pokemon! So if all of you can get away with being yourself, you should at least let Ciaran be himself too!
  13. Ciaran's Avatar
    Thank you Hallow *big hugs*
  14. Spectre's Avatar
    [QUOTE]If we change who we are just because someone else doesn't like us as we are- then this forum wouldn't exist, because obviously to the world we should grow up and stop liking pokemon! So if all of you can get away with being yourself, you should at least let Ciaran be himself too!
    [/QUOTE]

    A wise man once said: "Al Bhed is Al Bhed. Rikku is Rikku. Kimahri think Rikku should stay Rikku". Or something along those lines anyway. Jake think Ciaran should stay Ciaran.