Daily Tasks

Man... Just looking at this contest and the results so far... Heartbreaking.
*Ahem*

Bitching about Thrall vs. Link

Thrall would PWN Link. Thrall so uber. Link probably couldn't even beat a few of Thrall's guards, let alone the Warchief himself. Thrall is an uber Warrior AND seems to be able to call upon Shaman powers much more effectively than Shamans. He's the fuckin' Warchief! (And I'm an Alliance player, saying this)

Bitching about Magus vs. Alucard

I've never played Castlevania, but I know that Magus is uber pwns. Magus COULD beat Thrall. Probably pretty easily. It really takes a being on the scale of a massive alien parasite that collided with Earth, and harvested it's energy and genes, to outright pwn him.

Bitching about Red vs. Megaman

...
This one speaks for himself. One of them is a guy who fights in the internet, and gets small upgrades to his abilities here and there. The other captures, tames and controls friggin' childish Japanese demons, which breath fire, fire massively strong jets of water, shoot razor sharp leafs, release enough electricity to power large buildings, etc.

Bitching about Luigi vs. Companion Cube

Honestly, this wouldn't end up being battle of strength. Could Luigi even bring himself to kill it? How would he live with himself? Just looking at the Companion Cube, and thinking of bringing any harm to it is enough to bring the toughest man to tears. (Also, what's he gonna do, jump on the cube? That's what it's FOR.)

Bitching about Ganondorf vs. Mewtwo

He's freakin' Mewtwo! Look, they're both essentially evil guys hellbent on putting people through hell. The difference is, Link finds and beats Ganondorf. Does Mewtwo get beaten? Not really. You have to wear him down for a while, Sleep him, then throw numerous of the best damn balls you have, and then he becomes your friend. Or you can fall back on capturing him with a method that never fails. So, essentially cheating to beat him. He was going to destroy the entire planet because he was lonely!

Bitching about Kirby vs. GlaDOS

While I'm not even sure why GlaDOS is on this list, she wouldn't be beaten easily. First of all, unkillable. Sorry dude, but she's backed up. God knows where, but one would assume a jungle-like area. And she's probably backed up somewhere else. Second, deadly neurotoxin. I know Kirby is pretty resistant to these kinds of things, but this stuff will even kill AIs under the right conditions. Also, I don't even want to know how somebody fights Kirby with portals. It's probably not pretty.

Bitching about Mario vs. Falco

Seriously? One of them is super fast and fights things and has laserz. The other is a fat plumber who mainly fights turtles and mushrooms that can be killed by jumping on their head. I'm sure Falco can also jump higher than Mario.

Bitching about Ryu Hayabusa vs. Master Chief

Okay, Ryu is uber, but so is the Chief. While Ryu is stronger than any human (in his unvierse), so is the Chief. The both move lightening fast, and are pretty much gods among men. If they were forced to have a fight of pure power, with no strategy or tactics involved, then I would give it to Ryu. But it wouldn't be. It would be a fast moving, mid-ranged battle. While Ryu is MUCH faster, Chief is significantly more durable, and is a genius. That's not just me saying it, he's actually more innately intelligent than almost anybody in the Halo universe. And since we're both giving them their weapons, he gets to select anything from the Halo 1 Pistol to the Energy Sword, Gravity Hammer or Spartan Laser. Considering that Master Chief can pick up invisible targets after waking up from the impact of hurtling off of a ship entering Earth's outer atmosphere, he could probably hit Ryu with the SPLAZOR.

Bitching about Frog vs. Bowser

Frog=Awesome. Bowser=Joke. I'm sorry, but the wielder of the Masamune wouldn't fall to such a foolish creature.

Finally....

Bitching about Crono vs. Missingno.

*sigh*
Okay, I have much affection for Missingno. He's great. But Crono is just the best. The only character that I value over him in terms of pure unadulterated pwnage would be Serge from Chrono Cross, but Serge would have to have psychotically snapped first. Remember how pwn I was saying Magus was? Ya. Crono can easily pwn him AND that parasitic alien demon. Crono would correct Missingno.'s fault code with his pure Luminaire-osity.

SORRY IT'S SO LONG, BUT I'M A FRUSTRATED NERD AND THIS IS WHAT WE DO.