Rule one for alien invaders: - Blogs - Bulbagarden Forums

View RSS Feed

Sarcasm and General Insanity

Rule one for alien invaders:

Rate this Entry
by , 1st March 2011 at 08:33 PM (573 Views)
Don't screw with humanity.

We poison our water and air to weed out the weak. We irradiate our food to cook it. We set of fission bombs in our only biosphere.

We breathe oxygen, one of the deadliest substances in the universe- it kills metals, for God's sake! And we need it to live! We breathe what makes fire!

We take massive, horned beasts of pure muscle and fat that could crush us if it tripped and have made an industry out of killing them and eating them (after previously mentioned irradiation). We turn the same creatures into trinkets like wallets and belts.

We've been practicing killing for the past ten thousand years at least, and we've gotten good at it. When we're feeling fancy, we'll send in highly-precise missiles that take out small cities without a second thought. When we're feeling really fancy, we can do the same, but with countries. And if we aren't feeling fancy? Well, every other human walking down the street can carry a device engineered to shoot shrapnel faster than your eye can follow, and it shoots said shrapnel accurately. A select few of us have made shots that required us to factor in the Earth's rotation, the shot was so long!

We take some of the world's deadliest hunters, tame them, and turn them into cuddly pets... or make them even more deadly via selective breeding and use them to fetch the food we just killed.

We live on 6/7 of our planet's land, including an island filled with 9 of the most poisonous creatures on said planet, another covered in areas where there is no life period, and another where every living thing is actively trying to kill you and flourish. That other 1/7 is mainly because we don't have the motivation, since we're just fine with our 6 continents we have now.

Colorrary to rule one: do not screw with Mother Nature herself. She will freeze you, burn you, tear the skin off your bones, swallow you, crush you, decompress you, and kill you a thousand other ways without even lifting a finger- and that's not counting all her other children, of which humans are a part of. Speaking of humans and Mother Nature, you know all that badass stuff we've pulled?

Yeah. Even we're not stupid enough to screw with Mother Nature.

Submit "Rule one for alien invaders:" to Digg Submit "Rule one for alien invaders:" to del.icio.us Submit "Rule one for alien invaders:" to StumbleUpon Submit "Rule one for alien invaders:" to Google

Categories
Uncategorized

Comments

  1. Miar's Avatar
    • |
    • permalink
    I know I've heard this before, but I forgot from where.
  2. Sarcastically Insane's Avatar
    • |
    • permalink
    Parts of it from 4ch/TVtropes, though parts I came up with.

    Extra note: Everything is a weapon in our hands, no exceptions. If it's sharp, we'll stab and slash with it; if it's hard, we'll beat you with it. If it isn't rigid, we'll choke you with it. If it's too loose, we'll shove it down your throat and choke you with it if we don't just throw it in your eyes and beat you while you're busy un-blinding yourself. Even we're weapons; fists, feet, foreheads; knees and elbows; simply tackling you. We have turned hurting things into an art, and you can become our next canvas.
  3. Mitsuru's Avatar
    • |
    • permalink


    You forget that a good number of humans worship a pre-teen girl named Bieber.
  4. Sarcastically Insane's Avatar
    • |
    • permalink
    You have forgotten that a greater number of humans could tear said Bieber (or any other one human) limb from limb with ease.
  5. tyler212's Avatar
    • |
    • permalink
    Quote Originally Posted by Debauch
    You forget that a good number of humans worship a pre-teen girl named Bieber.
    You also forgot that they would try and tear you apart if you try and change the radio station playing songs.



    Also humans jump out of perfectly good aircraft and one day according to popular science magazine perfectly good spacecraft, for fun and to kill
  6. Mitsuru's Avatar
    • |
    • permalink
    Quote Originally Posted by tyler212
    You also forgot that they would try and tear you apart if you try and change the radio station playing songs.
    Beliebers and Twitards scare me.
  7. Sarcastically Insane's Avatar
    • |
    • permalink
    Key word is try.

    Though nut shots from Belibers still hurt.
  8. Jabberwocky's Avatar
    • |
    • permalink
    Also, beware the police boxes. That is all.

Trackbacks

Total Trackbacks 0
Trackback URL: