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A Vicious Circle

Don't hate the player, hate the game! A Crystal World Let's Play in pictures

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by , 19th June 2012 at 03:40 PM (8756 Views)
So, in lack of interesting pokémon related things to do before the release of BW2, I decided to do a LP. Not just any LP though, a LP of one of the most notorious hacks out there, Pokémon Crystal World. Join me in my quest to become the pokémon champion, and pull you hair out in frustration as you witness this game in all it's glory. And with that, let's get going, shall we?

Every journey starts with the most obvious question of all. Being secure in my own sexuality, Kris is the obvious choice. The better question is, are you ready? At any rate, I start by looking around my room. At this point, I should note that I have played parts of this game before, but I thought it would be fun to have you join the misery. At any rate, I note that my computer is now a Carbos. How useful. I walk down to find my mom standing on the table. Unflinched by that, I also notice how the fridge seems to be the stove now, never knew milk did best at 200 degrees, but there's that. Taking a short walk outside makes you wonder what acid you're on, because it's doing the trick, the grass sure is spacy.

At the very least Elm has upgraded his lab, gothe fellow deserved that much. My attention span, ridiculously short it might be, drags me towards this redhead kid. When you talk to the fellow, he start climbing trees. I leave him to his antic, time to get ourselves some pogeymanz. And guess what our choices are? Zapdos, Moltres and Articuno! While I prefer Zapdos, I'm sticking with the flaming turkey this time. We will burn through Johto without opposition!

Obviously it needs a name, and what is more fitting to start the slaughter than Arson? Not only is it at level 1, but it also holds a Poké Ball. Nifty. I decide to put it to good use, and catch myself something smashing. The choice falls at Ratata, or Esteban as it is named. Notice the type. I should probably note that pretty much every type in this game is altered, so there is room for many lulz there.

Also, guess what Tail Whip's effect is now? Infatuation! The horror!

Back to the pokémon center, which obviously got a redesign, there is a gentleman that refers to a PC. WHERE IS THIS PC DAMMIT! Ignoring him, I decide to see the city a bit more, and who could guide me better than Guide Gent? Gent is no mere mortal, though. He can twist the laws of physics to his desire, and the walk around town quickly turns into walking on walls, fences, roofs and people. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have found Jesus, casually strolling over the water. After ending up on Gent's wall, I manage to turn the world back to normal, and I head north, towards this Mr. Pokémon fellow. Things quickly start to get strange though.

Items find themselves everywhere, and obviously now they are floating as well. I roll up to Mr. Pokémon's house (which is rather rad, if I can add). Plot appears, and I can say as much as that the A button was involved. I finally got to leave, one pokédex richer, but let's just say that I don't think Kris left a building with two old men inside that easily. My worries are quickly swept aside as my spider sense is tingling, mischief in the night! Elm has suffered a tragic loss, and I rush back, just to get rudely interrupted by some twit. This is where things turn embarrassing, as it turns out Thundershock do pack quite a punch from Zapdos (I should also note that pretty much every move in this game has increased BP by at least 10 or more), and Arson end up not doing much damage, the same goes for Esteban. The fire is extinguished before it can start, it seems. He pushes me onto a roof, and walks away. When I finally return to Elm, I get rudely interrogated by the cops, luckily they don't find my stash. Seeing we're all mature people here, I think we can all agree that this was the work of the notorious DICKS, often seen in Kanto as well.

As I start my actual journey, I suddenly get reminded that the things I smoked was doing its job, the voices in my head were stronger than ever. I pop in to the Poké Mart, and it looks actually pretty cool. I guess at least something has to sooner or later.

After a bit of adventuring (mainly involving kicking people's asses with my legendary bird), I stumble across a cave. Not just any cave though, this is the "Dark" cave. Running around aimlessly, I encounter a wild pokémon. A level 46 Muk. I'd like to point out the fact that this is a wild pokémon before the first gym. There are also wild Vileplume around the same level in the cave, but I'm feeling okay with just having a Muk, or Ulrik as it's now called. I'm strangely okay with the typing. In addition, when I finally locate the exit (it's in the picture), I catch a Snooks, go for a bit of mountain climbing and get myself a Mareep (Ms Z). I can only imagine why Mareep is Electric/Fighting, but some things are better left unanswered. Johto's fruit trees are remarkably adept at camouflage though, which is seen on more than one occasion.

As I prepare to enter the Sprout Tower, my team is as follows: Arson the Moltres, Ms Z the Mareep, Esteban the Ratata, Ulrik the Muk, Snooks the Hoothoot and Cory the Sentret (pure Ground btw).

As I were saying, I was just to enter the Sprout Tower. As much as this is necessary, it's one thing I dread every time. The reason comes at the second floor, if you can call it that. It seems Missingno. has claimed the tower for itself, and welcomes you to the void. Stumbling hopeless and headless around, it seems I'm not the only lost soul out there, but with my persistence, I finally get to the other side and climb to the head sage. Are pokémon tools of war? Kris sure as hell don't give a fuck, and proceed to whop the master's ass with fire. His Haunter, Gengar and Umbreon can't stand up to the cleansing fire, and I depart with a flash, bit metaphorically and as a HM.

To end of this session, Violet gym is the obvious target. It seems Falkner has done some redecorating, and ice now covers the floor. Strangely enough, the gym have sort of changed their typing to Rock, yet Falkner still keeps his Flying types. Considering all the other things witnessed so far, this is not too surprising though, and I proceed to pummel the shit out of him. I also receive an egg, and for the greater good I hatch it. Guess Togepi is made of Steel nowadays.

That's it for today. Stay tuned for tomorrow, things only get worse from here, trust me.
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  1. Baron Brixius's Avatar
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    I got high just reading this.
  2. TheMissingno.'s Avatar
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    I see you've found my tower.
    H-con likes this.
  3. Mijzelffan's Avatar
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    How are you able to play this without getting a headache?
  4. H-con's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mijzelffan
    How are you able to play this without getting a headache?
    I haven't figured out that yet. There are some parts that are truly rage-inducing though, will show some tomorrow.
  5. Baron Brixius's Avatar
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    He's wizard material.
  6. jokool's Avatar
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    and Cory the Sentret (pure Ground btw)
    Fun fact: I was watching Pokémon just now, and one of the episodes that I watched was 'A Claim to Flame!'
    In that episode, Misty says that Furret is a Ground-type Pokémon.
  7. Baron Dante's Avatar
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    I was gonna say Crystal Shards is much worse, but then I saw this game.... yeah. This game.... still better than Metroid: Other M.


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