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YeOldeJacob's 100th Blog Entry Extravaganza (YOJ; The True Hollywood Story)

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by , 25th September 2010 at 03:13 PM (474 Views)
*Though the total entries in my blog is now 101, one of those entries belongs to DCM. Hence, this is my 100th entry



On March 8th, 2009, a legend was born... with the blog entry It's Watchmen, but it's not Watchmen, YeOldeJacob began what would prove to be a rocket that would, though sputter at first, take him to stardom within the Bulbasaur's Mysterious Garden Forums' Blogs...

"Yeah. I was like, a complete unknown, man... but I knew I had a number one hit somewhere up my sleeve..."

But that hit wouldn't come for YeOldeJacob on a silver platter. He slaved over a keyboard for almost a year before he struck gold...

"It was just movie review after movie review. And that got me and audience of like, 5 or 6. It wasn't sustainable like that."

Three of those readers were users who post with the names DCM, Hide in Plain Sight, and ιɴsσмиιαc.

"It was just women and drugs and booze, 24/7. It was lovely at first, but after a while it began to take its toll, and it showed in my blog..."

That it did. His reviews got shorter, and repetition was a staple. To strung out to use Thesaurus.com, YOJ just used the word "pretentious" over and over and over again. His new internet chums seemed to be a formula for a downfall:

"No, I don't blame them at all. DCM, HiPS and ιɴsσмиιαc... they were all under the influence of heroin and coke and opium and meth as well. Shit made them want to drag me down as well. I don't blame them, no..."

But soon he found his anti-drug. Politics.

"I realized writing about politics got me a wider audience. Whether they agreed with me or laughed at me, it didn't matter... I found a niche, and that niche took my audience from 5 or 6 to 9, 10... maybe even 11 readers. It was a great feeling. Though I will say, blog comments have replaced the heroin and the crystal meth and the opium... so every time I see a big fat zero in the comments section of the entry, I'm tempted to find that other high again..."

But he still hadn't had that one blog entry. His one hit wonder. But it was coming...

"Ah, yes, Lady GaGa; why she isn't new, isn't unique, and isn't an artist. That was my big one. 20+ comments is common for some, but not a lowly niche writer like myself. As much as I hate the bitch, without her, I wouldn't have material. Then again, if she didn't exist, Americans would probably find something just as vapid to cling to as their voice, so maybe I'm not in debt to her for my material."

But being a one hit wonder took its toll...

"Realizing the audience wasn't carrying over from the Gaga blog was tough. I mean, real tough. I actually slipped back into heroin there for a bit. You can see evidence of this in a spike in the occurrence of my joining of 'bandwagon blogs'..."

But the relapse soon met an inadvertent intervention.

"Yeah, I was made a provisional moderator of the blogs... I was all like; 'Man, I better clean up my act'. I mean sure, most of the big-boss-men are on some sort of illicit substance. I hear Archaic digs on coke... but I felt I needed to clean myself up... so I did."

And so now YOJ is on top of the world again, blogging about shit no one cares about.



-YeOldeJacob

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Comments

  1. Mako's Avatar
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    I've never done opium! Get your facts straight!
  2. Spool's Avatar
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    I didn't read this because it's full of boring words.
  3. $aturn¥oshi's Avatar
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    I don't watch THS on the E! network.
  4. Mijzelffan's Avatar
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    I find YeOldeJacob not quite YeOldeJacob.
  5. AiedailEclipsed's Avatar
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    Yeah, I do crystal meth and have at least three whores on stand-by ready to go. So what?
  6. $aturn¥oshi's Avatar
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    Seems I'm going to have to randomly drug test my mod underlings. No drugs in my Social sections.
  7. Trainer-c's Avatar
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    This blog needs to be made into an actual episode of THS stat. I'd watch it in a heartbeat.
  8. CuboneKing's Avatar
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    Somebody has too much time on their hands.
  9. DCM's Avatar
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    I love it when people try to insert themselves into jokes when they shouldn't ;D


    Jacob, I've got some lines for you to do. In the usual place.
  10. Beausoleil's Avatar
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    I prefer acid.
  11. Satoshi-kun's Avatar
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    Thank you for keeping my substance loving out of this blog.

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