Analysis of Badassery: Weezing
by, 29th July 2011 at 10:00 PM (1479 Views)
Welcome to a new segment of my blog called Analysis of Badassery. Here, I will go over certain Pokemon in great detail and point out exactly just what makes them as badass as they are. And what better way to kick off this segment with my favorite Pokémon, Weezing?
(EDIT: the picture isn't working for some reason, so here's a link to my album. It's the only picture there. )
Look at it. Just look at it. First, the faces. Not even going into the notion that two heads are better than one, both of Weezing's heads sport facial expressions that so clearly say, "Yawn. You bore us. 'Cause we're that cool.". And then, if you'll notice, Weezing's larger head sports upon it a SKULL AND FUCKING CROSSBONES. A universally recognized sign of danger. In the past, pirates would fly flags on their ships, some of which would sport a skull and crossbones print, to intimidate their enemies. Weezing's skull-and-crossbones pattern serves the same purpose. It's practically warning the opposing trainer to back the fuck off before shit goes down.
Speaking of which, I haven't even gotten into what a Weezing is capable of in battle. OK, let's see, um... 120 BASE DEFENSE. Yeah. This thing takes physical hits like nobody's business. I defy even a Zen Headbutt to OHKO this thing (unless, of course, it's coming off something insane like CB Gallade that's been BP'd a Shell Smash or something). Its base 60 Speed is lacking, of course, but that's another thing that makes Weezing so badass. It doesn't give a fuck if its foe is faster, it pwns anyway! In fact, between Gyro Ball, Payback, and that sexy base 90 Attack stat, it pwns BECAUSE of its low Speed. Awesome.
Some of you may observe that I've basically listed Weezing's entire physical movepool right there. True enough, as GameFreak committed the fairly large oversight of not taking the multiple opportunities to let Weezing learn Gunk Shot. But wait! Base 85 Special Attack is nothing to sneeze at. Let's take a look at that special movepool. Thunderbolt, Flamethrower, Sludge Bomb, Shadow Ball, Psybeam, and that's not even going into its options with Hidden Power. DAMN.
But it's not all attacking for Weezing. With base 120 Defense, it can certainly play a more defensive role on a team. Especially with moves like Will-O-Wisp, Stockpile, Pain Split, Haze, and Clear Smog. Yep. Especially Stockpile. GameFreak just made Weezing that much more awesome, cause now it can take special hits too! That's some shit you don't want to mess with.
But now let's focus on Pokedex entries. Weezing, according to the Pokedex entries in Yellow, Crystal, Ruby, Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, Black, and White, Weezing eats the gases given off by garbage. Hell, the Ruby dex entry suggests that it eats the garbage itself (not that far out there, as Koffing, Weezing's pre-evolution, is confirmed to eat the actual garbage, and since it's physiology can't be that different from Weezing's, it only makes sense) So it's a badass Pokemon that also helps the environment. Whereas Charizard, (one of the more overpopular Pokemon in existance, mind you!) it's claim to fame is starting forest fires. Yeah.
But then, you wonder, what of the gases Weezing gives off? Surely THAT can't be good? Au contraire. The Silver, Emerald, and SoulSilver dex entries for Weezing state that its toxic gases can be converted into high quality perfume. That's right, Weezing is also a good choice for the ladies.
All that and much, much more is what makes Weezing the epitome of badassery it is. Join me next time as I analyze a slightly newer addition to the Pokémon family.
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