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A new Era of my life, Graduation and Job Hunting

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So in May I finally graduated with a BS degree in Civil Engineering and a Minor in GIS (the minor implies I can play with maps real good and all special like). Even better still, I found out I passed the FE exam that all engineers are required to take in order to earn their full professional license in June.

I can hardly believe I’ve already made it this far. For so long, everything, certain subjects, the curriculum, the schooling seemed like it would drag on forever. But after it was done, even in the heat of the moment at graduation, that foreboding sense of calm, that precious sigh of relief hasn’t quite hit yet. I should feel great to be past all that stress of keeping pace with constant assignments, yet I haven’t escaped it as much as I’d like. Since May I’ve been running around doing so many minor errands here and there, seeing family all around. Even my trip to New England was quite exhausting, driving constantly. I’ve been wanting to keep up with myself, trying to enjoy things at my own pace, but something inside wants to prevent that.

Maybe it’s the overbearing pressure of having to find a job. I don’t want to wait here looking for a job forever. But there’s too much to do, too much that I’ve always wanted to do. If I get a job now, I’m afraid I have to push aside every little dream I’ve wanted to pursue and I’ll never get the chance to be with them again, even if I might get a taste of them every once in a while.

Inevitably I’m going to have to land a job. I’ve put it off searching for the last two months. I have no doubt I’m going to get something before long, I’ve already sent out a handful of applications with resumes.

Working isn’t so bad. I’ve done it in short stints, but everyone seems to remind me of how depressing it is to live day in day out doing the same old trivial thing. They always give the same advice, “enjoy what you have while you can.” That really shocked me. Is working such a mundane thing that you have to morbidly dread it? To feel you have no presence other than a means to work is certainly no way to live. Well, I want to be different; I want to make the job I get my own. I want to feel needed; I want to enjoy the pace of what I do. It doesn’t even have to be every day even, I want something interesting enough to keep me motivated from week to week. With such a fragile job market out there, you can’t really afford to be picky, but I say I don’t want to be depressed my whole life. I want to enjoy what I do even for menial earnings. I don’t care.

Still, I feel this notion I’ve been presented with, that work somehow sets you up for the end of your life, may be threatening me from actually finding a permanent job. I suppose I really shouldn’t worry much about it, but it’s hard to think what little TRUE free time I have left to do what I’ve always wanted is constantly waging a war with the pressing need to find a job.

I can’t stay this way forever, I will need money again (thankfully loans aren’t too much of an issue). However much free time I have left, I suppose I’ll just enjoy what I can. That’s not to say I won’t have free time ever again, I’ll just be limited to the time after work and the weekends rather than being able to do something for a long stint of time.

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Comments

  1. The Fighting Misty's Avatar
    I see what you mean. I do pretty much the same shit every day at the job I do, repetitive lifting especially, but you get used to it.

    What bothers me the most is I only have like 1 hour to play videogames on workdays now. I play so many games that it disappoints me.

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