Hank(and Dean)Venture's Greatest Quotes
by, 28th September 2009 at 05:47 PM (2887 Views)
H: (trying to pick a lock) Double dammit!
D: Hank, you said the double-d word!
H: This place is tits!
H: Well, sure. H.E.L.P.eR. looks like a dried-out turd on a bad stretch of road.
H and D: Phantom Space Man!
H: Who is that hoodrat Brock's talking to? He can get any shorty he wants!
H: Well, when I was my age, I jumped off my roof, in a Batman costume. I think. I might have just dreamt it.
D: Hank, are you listening to me?
H: Actually, uh, can you keep it down? I'm trying to write a song for the girls.
D: Would you get with the program? We've got a mystery to solve!
H: Well then we should team up. With the girls!
D: We can't! They're ... they're suspects.
H: Then solve it tomorrow or something. Man, what's your hurry?
D: What's your slowy?! You've gone soft on me, Henry Allen So-Called-Venture! You used to be all 'Go Team Venture!' but now ... now you're all 'Go Team ... b- Boobies!'
(Dean, in a hallucination, frees child orphan laborers and begins destroying the engine they were powering)
D: Run, orphans! Be free! And have your own room! And maybe not have to live in fear of costumed guys trying to kill you all the time! And there are no yetis freaking out on you or, like, putting you on a rocketship! Run to a place where your father won't make you get in a fight with a venus flytrap that walks and, with a gun!
H: Why would you do this?
#21: What, be a henchman?
H: Yeah. Retardo costume, some skinny guy yelling at you all the time.
#21: Dude, are you describing me or you?
H: I don’t wear a costume.
#21: What, are you drunk? Where do you even buy a baby-blue kerchief? Heh - I just said “kerchief. Dude! What, does your dad use his time machine to go shopping?
H: We build a gun made out of pennies!
Ghost of Abraham Lincoln: Exactly! Wait, no, that's insane!
(The X-1 is going down)
H: (in the fetal position, he's dressed as Batman)I'm the bat I'm the bat I'm the bat I'm the bat...
(Dean attempts to put out the fire on Hank's crotch in the bathroom)
H: Dude! Stop wailing on my junk! Throw water on it!
D: No way! That's what started this!
H: Well, then take it easy! Just dab. Dab it!
H: (entering Colonel Horace Gentleman's private chambers) Are you t'home?
D: (reading Colonel Gentelman's journal) Toys Colonel Gentleman wishes he had when he was a lad but weren't invented yet: Micronauts, The Scooby-Doo Monster Game, AT-AT Imperial Walker, Stay Alive: The Survival Game and Which Witch?
H: What is that, code?
D: (after reading Colonel Gentleman's journal) "Colonel Gentleman's good names for an imaginary friend." "Colonel Gentleman's Hollywood actresses who need a smack in the mouth" They go on and on. This is a crazy person's diary.
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