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Agent Gryphon

So, I think I am too evolved for society

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by , 9th October 2012 at 12:05 AM (1258 Views)
Not as in I am smart, or someone like Sheldon Cooper's way, but in the grand scheme of social stuff. Here's the story:

Only this year I have had two girls, one girl I have known for three years and been friends with (Had a crush on for a year, she said no btw). And another, who at the time I found this out, was about six months or so as friends. At one point I asked them if they just wanna hang out and stuff, which both replied that they found it weird to hang out with guys, just solo and rather do it in groups (The second one kinda makes more sense then the first).

Which I thought might have just been a Christian girl thing. But I realized, two years prior to this I had wanted to know one of my close friend's friends and asked her for lunch to get to know her better as friends, she was Not Interested which I took in result meaning, I don't want to be friends. So things were awkward with her.

Until some people said when I asked her to lunch, it meant going out on a date >.>, it's not weird anymore but still. And it seems to apply to the other two as well (The third one, also a Christian). I asked a male friend this, and he said all girls found it weird to hang out with a guy alone unless they are like close friends, but then another male friend made it sound like the first was wrong.

So I forgot about it.. Until a month or two ago I asked two girls, (Who have much more of an excuse then the first and second to find it weird, the third is in between) if someday in the future we should hang out, something you should know.

1st girl- Christian and just met her a month before that, but we talked a lot and I liked that.

2nd girl- Non Christian, came to our church once with a friend to do the sound for the worship team. We talked for ages and get this. She is a POKEMON fan, this is relevant to the story. However it was only one time, so she added me on Facebook and I chatted to her.

After a month or two, I was still remembering.. OH WAIT. There was a fourth girl, in December I wanted to go this Christmas Carols but couldn't get there, asked around including this girl, who was more of a last resort who responded with it's an inappropriate thing to ask, of course I had no idea what the hell she meant, and upon asking she never answered.

But anyways, remembering these three and the other one who was more of communication, and I wanted to get to know these two girls specifically, asked them if they would think it's weird if we hung out sometime in the future once we got to know each other. Remember Pokemon Girl, as we will call her, came as a one time thing, so technically don't know her that well.

They said it was fine, however the friend of the Pokemon Girl (Who brought her to the church, he's Christian) told me last Sunday she felt very uncomfortable due to that....

Yeah.. I guess I was so excited to meet a female who still played Pokemon (I know others who knows it and played it, but don't now), so I wanted to get to know her more, and didn't know when I would see her next.

But the reason I said I must be too evolved for society.. Is I don't see how this is wrong or why it has to freaking mean a date! According to several, this means asking them out! All I want to do is become friends and get to know them. And I feel like society has become quite distant when it comes to stuff like that, and kinda sexist thinking a guy and a girl can't hang out. So it just feels stupid, and while I had a feeling it was a bad idea with Girl 1 and Pokemon Girl, I didn't say right now, I said when we knew each other better, and I didn't ask them out on a date.

It's just.. I hate this, and now Pokemon Girl probably thinks I am creepy (Yet for some reason still on my Facebook), and I imagine the first one feels the same as well. Aleast with the previous 3 I was friends with them, again the first was in between. And nobody, anyone has ever freaking told me asking a girl to hang out alone, is weird!

How are we meant to become friends? Or closer friends? And people tell me I should get to know a girl before I ask her that. Yet when I do that I can only do it in group outings >.>.

I should say, when I was a child I didn't play with the kids, I walked around our school oval with the teacher who was making sure there was no trouble. I liked the older people's company for discussions I wouldn't have with people my age.

So.. In the words of Sheldon Cooper, I guess I am too evolved. But please, girls in particular tell me, is this really true? While again the last two girls had an excuse, didn't know them much, but the others.. I should have been close enough with them (Okay just the girl I had the crush on, the others are more excusable) to just hang out, call over and do stuff. It sucks we can't do this, and it's meant to be weird.. And if you only see them at church, then it sucks even more >.>

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  1. SilverThorn's Avatar
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    It's because society has taught women and girls that all men are sex hungry animals who can't control themselves and therefore they are going to manipulate and or rape them if they get them alone. What's even worse is that men are believing it now too. They make excuses for inappropriate behavior like "What? I'm a guy." It's terrible, and I get t observe it more readily because I'm a gay guy and so I understand girls a little better than most guys since I've been allowed to get to know them really well. It's all terrible...
  2. Agent Gryphon's Avatar
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    @SilverThorne I know right! All I want to be is friends with them (Interesting I was just thinking about that too, girls seems to think oh hey just because I asked if one day we could hang out, it means I want to date). Scarlet said pretty much the same too (What I said, not what you said).

    It sucks, and I may have ruined two potential friendships, and one my friends, friend of Pokemon Girl suggested not saying anything, just ignore it so if she does come to church, pretend it didn't happen.. Interesting, so I can't progress a friendship or apologize (Actually he did make sense, he said unless it was fully clear why I had asked that, then yes saying sorry would help, but this wasn't like that, she probably assumed it, I just wanted to get to know her because she's a Pokemon fan, and if one day we become close friends)...

    Okay I am a bad example, all but one of those girls mentioned I had planned to ask out in the future. (Or did as the one I mentioned above as the crush). The only girl I didn't was Christmas Carols, but that wasn't the sole reason, also wanted to be friends with them and get to know them (Actually one of them, mentioned after the girl I have a crush on, I don't plan on asking out, but she's kinda hot so it's kinda inbetween, and has a nice personality. But that's not gonna be explored for ages.
  3. Jadeco's Avatar
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    "Want to get lunch/coffee/dinner/a drink" just happens to be the line that a lot of people use, so us girls think you're asking us out on a date even if you don't mean to. "Want to get lunch with my friends and me tomorrow?" is less date-y.
  4. Agent Gryphon's Avatar
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    Which is why I stopped using that line for the first girl, I started to say do you wanna hang out sometime, which I didn't think was the same thing.
  5. Jadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agent Gryphon
    Which is why I stopped using that line for the first girl, I started to say do you wanna hang out sometime, which I didn't think was the same thing.
    That line is often used in asking someone out, too. Though if you always interject it with "my friends" e.g. "Do you want to hang out with my friends and me sometimes?" it definitely loosens things up. Seriously, try it next time!
  6. Agent Gryphon's Avatar
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    @Jadeco; You are kidding? Even that is considered it! O.O, so basically anything that involves a guy and a girl being alone means asking them out! No wonder why this has been happening. Bet even the Christmas Carol girl thought I was asking her out, when I merely wanted someone to give me a lift to and from a church's Christmas Carols.

    When I say let's hang out, I actually mean just us, because well, it's really difficult even with new friends to get a group together, so getting more then 1 person would be harder, but not all the time it means a date..

    I think I give up.. If I have to try and grab one or more people just to hang out with a girl, who I considered a friend, then that just blows and I give up. (And it's hard trying to hang out with anyone! Mostly because they are Uni students but still). I guess I can try with my friends but what if nobody else can join? Just sucks.

    Yeah alright, sure the five mentioned here I did want to ask out (Except Christmas Carols Girl, there was no thought about asking her out), so it doesn't help but the first one I am not sure why I had a crush on her. The second one is a very nice girl who I thought I could see a life with (She's still cool with being friends), the third was kinda hot and a nice personality, although I really don't think a relationship would work out very well so she doesn't 100% count.

    4th was just a nice girl I had recently met, and the 5th was well, she liked Pokemon and I liked that. Okay the last two had more of a reason as I hardly met them (Although 4th girl I don't know how she felt after I said perhaps we can hang out in the future sometimes, once we are closer friends, I only knew about Pokemon Girl due to the others).

    Although the last two didn't even freaking show their discomfort, okay it was on Facebook but still, don't tell me maybe in the future when we become better friends if it makes you uncomfortable!



    Edit: I just reread the message to see where she would have gotten uncomfortable, and realized she said this after I sent her the message:
    Oh wow, that was really brave of you to ask me. However, like you said, we have only met once, and it is a little soon. I'm really busy with Uni and I find it hard to see my own friends. I'm sure we'll get to meet up again some other time though. But, don't worry, it's not going to make anything awkward:)

    Does that sound uncomfortable to you? Either someone got his facts wrong, or she just pretty much lied, which makes no sense on why since how am I supposed to know I went out of line, especially when that message said it.
  7. Jadeco's Avatar
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    That was quite a long response. Let's see if I can break this down:

    Quote Originally Posted by Agent Gryphon
    @Jadeco; You are kidding? Even that is considered it! O.O, so basically anything that involves a guy and a girl being alone means asking them out! No wonder why this has been happening. Bet even the Christmas Carol girl thought I was asking her out, when I merely wanted someone to give me a lift to and from a church's Christmas Carols.
    Well, I don't know what exact words you said. I wouldn't consider "could you give me a ride" to have a date-like connotation in any way. Some girls freak out. From what I've experienced, if they even think that you have an inkling of interest in them, they'll jump the gun..."OMG NO OMG OMG OMG HE'S ASKING FOR A RIDE HE PROBABLY LIKES ME OMG I'M NOT READY FOR THIS PROBABLY WANTS A KISS WHEN I DROP HIM OFF OMG OMG" is could be what ran through her head. But again, I don't know how old she is or you are. I'm not saying all girls are like this - I'm sure I'd get yelled at by the other females on bulbagarden - but I can see how some may think along these lines, especially if they're on the young side (teenage - early twenties).

    When I say let's hang out, I actually mean just us, because well, it's really difficult even with new friends to get a group together, so getting more then 1 person would be harder, but not all the time it means a date..

    I think I give up.. If I have to try and grab one or more people just to hang out with a girl, who I considered a friend, then that just blows and I give up. (And it's hard trying to hang out with anyone! Mostly because they are Uni students but still). I guess I can try with my friends but what if nobody else can join? Just sucks.
    You don't have to actually try to get someone to hang out with you two. I mean, you don't have to try hard...who cares if no one can come? If she's like "sure! I'd like to hang out with you and your friends!" then sweet. Later on, you could say something like "None of my friends could make it to lunch. Is that cool? We're just friends, obviously XD" Nothing can be more straight up than that.

    Yeah alright, sure the five mentioned here I did want to ask out (Except Christmas Carols Girl, there was no thought about asking her out), so it doesn't help but the first one I am not sure why I had a crush on her. The second one is a very nice girl who I thought I could see a life with (She's still cool with being friends), the third was kinda hot and a nice personality, although I really don't think a relationship would work out very well so she doesn't 100% count.
    Okay, first off, you can't really say "I don't think a relationship would work out" if you haven't gone on a single date with that person. I mean, that's what dates are for.

    4th was just a nice girl I had recently met, and the 5th was well, she liked Pokemon and I liked that. Okay the last two had more of a reason as I hardly met them (Although 4th girl I don't know how she felt after I said perhaps we can hang out in the future sometimes, once we are closer friends, I only knew about Pokemon Girl due to the others).
    So girls have this uncanny, almost "sixth sense" where they can sometimes tell if a guy likes them. It doesn't matter if that guy hasn't said anything about it, but there are subtle things that you may be doing that will give them clues. Some people call these "butterfly gestures" and both genders have their own versions. Examples that you may exhibit subconsciously are shy smiles, random eye contact, staring, using a softer voice when talking to them, shoving your hands in your pockets, etc.

    Even though you didn't literally ask them out, they probably sensed your interest. Pair this with asking them out to lunch, and I think you'll get it ;)

    I reread your entry and just noticed this:

    asked them if they would think it's weird if we hung out sometime in the future once we got to know each other
    Whoa whoa whoa "once we got to know each other?!" So you want to hang out after you get to know them? Doesn't hanging out involve getting to know someone and then sustaining that friendship? Maybe you can see why these girls may have seen a curve-ball coming their way.

    Oh wow, that was really brave of you to ask me. However, like you said, we have only met once, and it is a little soon. I'm really busy with Uni and I find it hard to see my own friends. I'm sure we'll get to meet up again some other time though. But, don't worry, it's not going to make anything awkward:)

    Does that sound uncomfortable to you? Either someone got his facts wrong, or she just pretty much lied, which makes no sense on why since how am I supposed to know I went out of line, especially when that message said it.
    Yeah, that's pretty awkward...but to be fair, I bet she felt really awkward. Of course it will come out in her writing. My advice to you is be frank; tell her that you have no romantic interest in her and want to get to know her as a friend when she has the time. She sounds like a very nice girl and, in her message, was very careful about taking your feelings into consideration. I don't see any notion of where you've gone "out of line." If it's because everyone thought you asked her out on a date...just be firm with her and let her know that any time you wanted to spend with her was strictly platonic.
    Updated 10th October 2012 at 03:26 AM by Jadeco

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