The Live Wire

Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio, Last Man Standing for WHC
duct tape

Ziggler interview, HOLY SHIT TITLE UNIFICATION THREAT/PROMISE. Also lolololol @ Big E Langston

A bunch of interview things with Rumble entrants.

Tag titles
Rhodes Scholars get beaten up by HellNo in a title mage, HellNo interview...

The fuck, Royal Rumble already?
Ziggler out first because he is the show-off. His choice, he says it doesn't matter who comes out second. Who comes out second...HOLY FUCK CHRIS JERICHO. They brawl. Cody Rhodes is out third. Teams up with Ziggler to beat up Jericho. Eventually Y2J gets out and Liontamers Rhodes until it's broken up. Kofi Kingston is #4. The Rubber Band Man! Santino Marella is #5, get hype!! Manages to hang in there! No one likes Santino, as both the faces and heels surround him. He pulls out the Cobra. Kills Kofi, goes to kill Jericho. Stops when Y2J puts up a hand and slaps. Gets thrown out.

Drew McIntyre is #6. Blah blah. Titus O'Neil is #7. Stuff happens and McIntyre is out. Cody freaks the fuck out because #8 is Goldust. Goes right for his brother, Ziggler tries to save him and fails. #9 is David Otunga, OH-WAY-OHHHH. More brawling. #10 is Heath Slater. THREE MAN BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND.

People are brawling chaotically, no real focus. #11 is Sheamus, and fuckles. Time for the place to be cleaned! Titus is his first victim, followed by Otunga. Slater and Rhodes double team him as #12 comes out. And it is Not-Lord Tensai. Everyone gangs up on everyone in the bottom left. #13, and it's time to get funky up in here. BRODUS CLAY!! Goldust is eliminated by Cody. Rey Mysterio is in as #14. Darren Young as #15. Tensai is taken out during this. Kofi is tossed, but lands on Tensai. He goes to the table. After thinking to jump, he asks for JBL's chair to help. JBL obliges. Kofi hesitates because Bo Dallas is coming out as 16, like wtf. Kofi pogo chairs. Takes out Darren Young. Then immediately taken out by Rhodes.

#17: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TRAIN. The motherfucking Godfather...is immediately taken out by Dolph Ziggler. Pimpin' still ain't easy. But he still got his hos. Wade Barrett is #18. John Cena is #19. Everyone gets ready. Everyone in the ring immediately beats down on him. He breaks out of course, and kills Slater and Rhodes. Almost Jericho too, but he counters. Damien Sandow out as #20.

Barrett murders Rey. Jericho tries to wall Cena. Daniel Bryan is #21. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Quickly goes for Sandow with the kicks, then Ziggler, then Barrett. As the only man standing, goes for Jericho. Sheamus helps, but don't get him over. More irrelevance, Antonio Cesaro is #22. Mention is made of how Bo Dallas is still in after 10 minutes. #23 is The Great Khali, bleh. INTERSPECIES RELATIONSHIP. Don't ask, JBL said it in regards to Khali and Natalya. #24 is Kane. #25? WOO WOO WOO! You know it. Zack Ryder with one million twitter followers. Kane is thrown out by DBD, DBD is thrown out by Cesaro, caught by Kane, dropped. Kane just sort of leaves with a trollface.

#26 is Randall Keith Orton. RKOs some people. The "lucky" #27 is Jinder Mahal. Ryder is tossed. The Miz is #28. Weird stuff ~ some of the announced people aren't in with this - particularly The Shield. Also Miz is injured, but it doesn't stop him from jumping Cesaro - on the outside. Mahal is out. #29 is Sin Cara, back from injury. Lack of a pop. Bo Dallas...eliminates Wade Barrett??!!?! Holy shit. Barrett gets his revenge, eliminates Bo, and kills him.

#30, Ryback. As expected, he goes berserk...but not as much as expected? Kills Sandow, kills Sin Cara, kills Miz, then Jericho saves us. Jericho lionsaults Cena and starts going nuts. Almost codebreaks Ziggler out, but Ziggler recovers and gets him. :( Now it's Orton's turn to go berserk, tossing out RKOs to everyone but Ryback, who gets DDT'd. Eventually taken out. The dream dies for Ziggler, and all of us. Final three: John Cena, Ryback, Sheamus. Dream truly is dead when Sheamus is tossed out. Ryback hypes up. Cena starts punching. STF. Ryback recovers. But then Cena wins.

Fuck. This. Company. Not watching the rest.