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Pokemon Black2 Progress Part XII: All right, let's put the nail in this here coffin.

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by , 12th October 2012 at 06:21 PM (459 Views)
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII
Alternate title: Psychic Pokemon suck. They really really suck.

Hold onto your hats boys and girls, cause it's the last Route in the game! This again proves the game designers were being obnoxious with the HMs here. Quick tip for anyone still playing: if you can find something that gets Cut, Strength, Fly, and maybe Surf, GET IT GET IT GET IT. This route is standard fare and feels like the final run-up of Pokemon GSC. Except it's mountainous and with a river. Which is why you need Surf. Okay, well you don't NEED Surf, unless you want to leave that Flamethrower TM behind! And there's a maze of trees and boulders, which is why you need Cut and Strength. Again, you don't need either move, but you will if you want to go through here and get TM12. Not as worth it, but hey. Also, there's TM05. You don't need anything for that one.

Battles are starting to feel more obnoxious. I actually saw an AI switch for the first time here: I led with a Mandibuzz against an Ace Trainer who uses Emolga. I'd insult him for that, but I used Dewgong. No wait, Emolga is definitely the worse option. Fuck that guy. I switched to Steelix, and after whiffing, he decided to switch to Mr. Pringles. There's still Amoonguses running amok. Another quick tip: if you want a clutch #6 and don't have a Grass and/or Poison yet, catch one of these guys. They're level 56!

Oh, and for the record: Route 9 still blocked off by ice, Opeculid still a popsicle.

N is hanging on the badge road. It's black and white. GET IT??? :D :D :D He talks a bit, then gives me Waterfall. Am I going to have to use it? Hopefully not. Don't want to drop Aqua Tail on Samurott! The badge check is hi-tech. It looks like Airport Security, minus the <REDACTED> checks. And it has a Tron-like twist. Beyond all the technology is the ancient past. With a maze. For items.

Naturally, there's water on the inside. So I guess we're tagging in Dewgong again. It's got a free slot, so I can teach it Waterfall if I need to. I should be able to get away with Strength on Zangoose for a bit. I swear though, if there's trees in here, I'm going to scream. Pokemon I see while grinding up Dewgong a tiny bit include Banette and Golurk. And that's it. So this is a ghost-themed final run. By which I mean only Banette and Golurk. Vultures are happy. Gothic lolitas are not. Even the first trainer uses Golurk and Sigilyph.

And yes. Strength rocks right ahead. Luckily, Crush Claw (?) is 75 vs. Strength's 80. I can work out the rest in final preparations. Ghost room, like I said: next trainer is a Psychic with Lampent. Also Musharna.

Outside is...an outside area. Oh fuck. Mandibuzz is still good here, taking out an Ace with Swoobat and and Lilligant. Actually a very Dark-friendly area so far. Tranquil and Altaria hang out on the slopes. Fun with Ice Beam! Not much to write here. Next is a room where I think I could've been 2-on-1 but run and mess it up. Instead, I have to fight the girl with a Heatmor and Galvantula. And then the guy with Durant and Ferrothorn. The two Pokemon here are Boldore and Onix. So run from everything. After this room, it's a bloody maze. Four ways to go!

I start in the bottom left. This is a rivery loop and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THEY ACTUALLY PUT TREES HERE??? WHAT SADIST DESIGNED THIS DUNGEON???? (Spoiler: Waterfall and Flash points are there too)


Beyond this is a shortcut to the main room. One-way of course. Still the ghost and psychic room. The lower middle has that Waterfall, leading to the bottom of the main room and a double ambush by Dragon Masters. Who for some reason use Mandibuzz/Archeops and Braviary/Carracosta. Still, 3/4 have wings, so the team of Dewgong and Zangoose still works.

Let me lay out the upper two areas for you. Straight ahead is the Flash area. Top right needs nothing. The rooms beyond are mountainous slopes, of which there are three. You can go down the one you can't get to - the left one - to reach the top left of the previous area as well as making a shortcut there with Strength. All three diverge into one path guarded by a couple of Dragon Masters. Beyond that is construction, the exit, and Hugh.

And hey, get this: he finally got a fourth! And here I am juggling seven. Sluggy the Unfezant first U-Turns against Zangoose while it dances. It then pretty much has its way with the team: Strength on Simisear, Superpower on Afrobull, Ice Punch on the underachiever and Sluggy. He hands over a Thunderbolt TM afterwards. That's it. Only five more fights.

Let's get ready to mix it up. First, here's my team.

Lv.60 Samurott: Aqua Tail/Revenge/X-Scissor/Swords Dance

Behind in levels because fuck HMs. Swords Dance is always deliously fun, though.

Lv.62 Ampharos: Signal Beam/Confuse Ray/Thunder Wave/Thunderbolt

With Thunderbolt added, its damage output should increase slightly. Parafusion we keep as a clutch, just in case and stuff.

Lv.62 Steelix: Rock Slide/Iron Head/Dig/Ice Fang

No Earthquake is sad. However, it does resist Psychic, Ghost, Dark, and most importantly, Dragon. A variety of moves to help out.

Lv.62 Mandibuzz: Pluck/Heat Wave/Bone Rush/Faint Attack

No better flying or dark moves than this is sad. But it has a fair variety.

Lv.62 Dewgong: Ice Beam/Signal Beam/Surf/Encore

Just a support member. Probably a better one. Also gives me more Ice. I have no idea how it ended up with all that Attack. Probably from EVs.

Lv.64 Zangoose: Ice Punch/Return/Superpower/Swords Dance

Probably overcompensating with the ice at this point. Also gives me the fighting I'd like, and is a generic pump-it-up-and-murder-everything kind of guy. Well, gal. It's female.

Wait, what the fuck? What happened to Gothitelle? Well, it was sucking. And if I take it, it's probably going to suck more. It'll suck against ghostgirl, it'll suck against darkdude, no Shadow Ball means it blows against Psychics, and I just know they're assholes and gave everything on fighterguy's team a Dark or Bug move. For the record, though...

Lv.59 Gothitelle: Charge Beam/Psychic/Future Sight/Energy Ball

I can give it Thunderbolt, sure. But it sucks otherwise.

So let's do this. First up: Fighterdude. IN A STEEL CAGE MATCH!!! He'll pay dearly for blocking me from Twist Mountain! And as expected, his Throh opens with Rock Slide. Conkelderp is second. Hilariously, Pluck grabs his Sitrus Berry. But then a Bulk Uped Stone Edge gets me. I reset because I screw up my next move with a misclick (was going to Dance with Samurott while he healed). This goes better. Rock Slide misses and thus Weak Armor never triggers, so Mandibuzz survives the Stone Edge. Still doesn't 2HKO, but it's a 3HKO when Stone Edge misses! Then it learns Brave Bird! It proceeds to slaughter Sawk...except it has Sturdy so it doesn't. So I send out Samurott, Dance, and Aqua Tail. Kitsune Fighter's evo comes out and starts to use...Bounce? I switch in Ampharos. It takes the hit, and though it can't catch it, Static goes off. Kitsune gets Confuse Rayed, and Thunderbolted down.

I go top right next, and it's the motherfucking Fountain of Dreams! NIGHTMARE IS HERE!!! No wait, it's just a dream...to some, maybe. With butterflies who raise her hair. So what can she do? Musharna vs. Samurott. It opens with...Yawn. Um, okay. Swords Dance twice, use an Awakening, and X-Scissor. KTFO. Gothitelle comes out. X-Scissor. KTFO. Renuclius comes out. X-Scissor. KTFO. Sigliylph comes out. X-Scissor again, because why not? It's still KTFO.

So let's go bottom left and take a step into the spirit realm. I literally scare her. She screams and stuff. And what better a way to show her I am a man who knows no fear by leading with a Dewgong? I Encore her repeatedly when she makes the delicious mistake of using Will-O-Wisp. Surf, Signal Beam, Signal Beam, Surf, occasionally stopping to heal or reset Encore = KO. So Drifblim is next? For Hex, presumably. It doesn't KO Dewgong though, who proceeds to flip the balloon the double bird despite the notable handicap of not having hands by freezing it with Ice Beam twice in a row. On the second go, I use the opening to Full Restore Dewgong. Out pops Chandelure. It's its Energy Ball vs.Dewgong's Surf. Sadly the latter is just not enough and the former takes off just over half, so I switch to Mandibuzz, who eats the Energy Ball. And thanks to the convenient Sitrus Berrying, it's within KO range for Faint Attack. Her last one is Golurk, who can't stop the vulture from feasting on its corpse.

Last, but not least...DIE MONSTER! YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD! It really does look like the final battle against Dracula. Even has the candles. I could've led with anything here, really, but I lead with Ampharos. Liepard uses a mostly worthless Fake Out thanks to Leftovers, then springs Attract! Luckily Ampharos doesn't get screwed on the 50%. Krookodile is, as I figured, next. Its...Bulldoze? It's not good enough to OHKO Ampharos. However, neither is Signal Beam enough. So Dewgong again, because why not? It can take that fugly croc with surf. Scrafty though. Okay. Well, idea is to Encore it when it uses Rock something, but it gets a speed drop. So Mandibuzz has to handle this with Brave Bird. Bisharp is out last. Mandi can use Bone Rush or Heat Wave. I go with Heat Wave. A little over half (Sitrus Berry), so I end it with Bone Rush to avoid his healing.

So heal up. Last fight of the main game! Last time it was the lord of all evil. This time it is Princess Whats-Her-Name. After a quick run up the steps, Rocky Balboa style, that is! Final battle looks trippy. So can Big D earn its stripes? YES!! Hydreigon is Iris' lead. After we exchange words in the form of a critical Dragon Pulse and an Ice Beam, we both heal. However, she doesn't get a second crit, and so she FAILS. Druddigon is out next. It misses a move and thus gets 2HKO'd by Ice Beam. What the fuck is going on here? Lapras tries Sing, which I don't know about and accidentally Encore it? Hey, gives me a free Full Restore. But Signal Beam is weak, so in comes Ampharos. And lucky switch too; Lapras was trying Thunderbolt. One of my own isn't quite enough and I get critted from Surf too, but Ampharos can take a hit. Next is an Aggron. I dunno what it does, but I land Paralysis and Confusion before uncorking Thunderbolts. And whatever it did, it wasn't enough for Double Edge to mean anything to Amphy. So I just end it with two Thunderbolts. Haxorus is next, and KOs with...Bulldoze. I switch in Steelix next, because hey, may as well use it for what it's there for. Haxorus Dragon Dances twice, and though the attack after hurts, Steelix survives, it's worn down enough so that it can finish the deed. Her last Pokemon is Archeops. I dunno what it thought it was doing. Certainly not surviving any Iron Heads.

The space backgroud twists and disorts, I enter the Hall of Fame. And that's the game! And I open a lock? Okay. Final game time is 38:05. Set to fireworks, I'm seen off by the very unElite 4 and see scenes of me running through various places in the game

- Gate check still a gate check
- Marlon arrested for pedophilia after meeting young trainer in front of Mr. and Mrs. Pringles head thing. Sentenced to life in prison.
- Power of humanity truimphs where Haxorus failed; Drayden just has bulldozers clear the ice.
- Skyla still insane. Being followed around by Duckletts.
- Clay throws a party at the fat brown sage's house. Just because he can.
- The Brycenman rises again.
- Elesa not arrested for pedophilia when she gives a heart to a trainer in the crowd who once beat her. Deemed a cougar which is totally okay cause double standards.
- Burgh throws a parade, rides with the guy who strated him to the death in his 1950s convertable.
- Homika still has a superior Japanese name
- Cheren hates Alder and wants to battle him again
- N demands CGI for his scene. Gets it because he's N.
- Route 19 is still Route 19.
- Mother's longlost son returns home after months.

Also Cedric J shows up. Free National Pokedex! Hugh reunited with his little sister who chat me up. All there is to write.


If you want to be added to this Mentions List, T-O-O B-A-D we're done here.

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Updated 18th October 2012 at 07:14 PM by System Error



  1. Karamazov's Avatar
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    - Power of humanity truimphs where Haxorus failed; Drayden just has bulldozers clear the ice.
    ^ Best line.
  2. Kars's Avatar
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    I love how you completely break a game.


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