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Just when I thought my online mic conversations couldn't get any more ridiculous...

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by , 8th December 2009 at 01:39 AM (339 Views)
So basically, I was playing multiplayer Ghostbusters. Now, one guy I was playing with couldn't hear another guy, so I kept making up stuff that he supposedly "said" to the other guy. WARNING: These are strongly paraphrased and unfunny. But it was a riot at the time. It's something you just had to be there to experience in full.

Me: He said your mom's a whore.
Victim: What the f-no I didn't!
Me: Yes you did.
Last two lines basically set the tone for the whole conversation. I think we said variations of that back and forth like 20 times or something.

Me: "All right, all right...he didn't say that. ...he said your dad's a whore."
Him: "That's...not quite as bad."
Me: "Not the good kinda either. Not the playas. The sells his body kind."
Okay, so we had a good laugh, but I saw an opportunity and decided to continue.

Him: "Yell something, quick."
Victim: "Lalalalalalala"
Me: "Oh, now THAT is nasty!"
Him: "What?"
Me: "He said...*laughing* he said he wants to fuck your sister!"
Victim: "I did not!"
Me: "You did so!"
Victim: "I didn-"
Me: "You did! Yes you did!"
Him: "Wait, which sister? I have like, a 2-year one. I got like 3."
Me: "I dunno. He didn't specifically say. He might be a pedophile for all we know!"
Victim: "I'm not a pedophile!"
Me: "We don't know that! You never told us which sister!"
Now we get into supposing he's a pedophile or something. All the while, the guy who can't hear the other guy is like "wtf lol" while me and another guy in the game are just laughing our asses off. Eventually.

Other guy: ...that's just wrong dude.
Me: *laughing* That is...(as serious as possible) now even I think that's fucked up.
Victim: I didn't say anything!
Me: Yes you did! He...he said...*almost choking* he wanted to fuck our dead grandmas' pussies.
Then discussion on necrophilia, its legal status, and this guy's alleged connections with it came about. Just when it seemed all over...

Him: *gets revived* Thank you sir.
(Something about touching)
Me: *almost dying laughing* Yeah...he...hehehehe...he wants to...he...AHAHAHA...he wants to caress your body...
Victim: What the fuck man!?!?!
Me: He...he wants to...he likes to touch you...specially...because...you're special to him...
Victim: See, he can't even get his story straight!
Me: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He...he said he wants to caress...your naked body in his arms...
Needless to say, he was severely annoyed ("I hate everything you stand for you asshole."), but that was just the half of it. Then he wanted to duke it out in Slime Dunk (only round where you can kill each other). I proceeded to stall like a maniac. First, I had to catch my breath. Then, I had to take a shit. I really did, and still do actually, but I just squeezed out a little quarter sized, flushed, and called it a day, all with the mic in ear. Then I got "disconnected", by which I mean I turned off my PS3. He said I was DQ'd at that and he won, to which I asked if being DC'd was a DQ, what something like punching the ref in the nuts would be.

Some more stalling commenced, then I rejoined, but "had to" go eat. I hungry and had to get dinner, but I really did need to eat (almost past the point of no return on dinner!) So I take my time eating my dinner of rice, cod, and vegetables, come back, they're not ready, and I call a DQ. I say it's 1-1 now, but he says it's 2-1 because "dinner counts". Then, after even more stalling, I finally got into it, and kicked his ass, declaring that if the other two got involved, it'd be a DQ in my favor. I "DC'd" again towards the middle when they started all gang-raping me, and when I came back, said I was about to win.

I responded it was really 3-37, due to all the outside interference. When he said that he's not responsible for what they do, I asked "so it doesn't count if it's out of our control" and "so we're only responsible for our own actions", which I used to declare the score reset at 0-0, since as far as they knew, I wasn't responsible for the DCs.

Then it got a little crazy. I finally joined with intents of going and promise for a mono-a-mono, but then he goes and leaves. He tries to start a game on his own, but we're already playing and just beating up another guy, during which I admitted to the first guy that I was pretty much trolling "the victim" the entire time.

Finally, when it came time for it, it was basically a free-for-all. The issue was dropped at that point. But two more funny things happened. First off, when we killed each other, we slimed the fallen, prompting me to allow myself to be victimized and speak in a high-pitched voice, begging for them to give it to me. This prompted the rather humorous reactions..."You certainly make fucking one man in the ass with slime boring." and "it's kind of a turn off if you're enjoying it". Then on another map, I proceeded to kill them all.

So yeah. Pretty fucked up stuff (not to mention disorganized and mostly based on memory).

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