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I rank every gym leader on coolness, badge, sig. Pokemon & sexual attractiveness (2)

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Koga



Coolness: 5/10

There are three types of ninjas in the world: real ninjas, REAL NINJAS, and Narutard Ninjas. Koga seems like a cross between the formermost with touches of the lattermost. But at least he does look like he could be a ninja, which is more than can be said about half the ones that come out of the place where they fucking originated.

Badge: 3/10

A heart of poison? ...oh...kay.

Signature Pokemon: 1/10

balls

Sexual Attractiveness: 4/10

Janine? He probably like super stealthily slipped the salami in someone. Maybe. The idea of a ninja having sex with someone without them noticing is too funny to not give him less than 4, though.

Other: 3/10
Just because he becomes an Elite 4 member later in life doesn't make him better than everyone else. It just means the Elite 4 totally lowered their standards. I mean shit, for someone who claims to use indirect strategies, he sure is lacking in them (no Confuse Ray on Crobat?). His gym was the sweetest in Pokemon Stadium though, and I gotta give him props for that.

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Sabrina



Coolness: 7/10

What kind of woman goes around beating up karate guys for fun, uses a type with no real weaknesses (about your only safe shot at super-effective is...fucking Parasect, of all things), doesn't help shut down an invasion of Team Rocket, and foresees your arrival from the past while mocking you about it? She even fucks with your head (she says she dislikes fighting, but then why would she become a gym leader?). She's the first gym leader who doesn't fuck around at all, and when she does, it's because she knows she's the shit and you are just shit. Sabrina the Teenage Bitch indeed. I'm just surprised she doesn't ask if you like Castlevania.

Badge: 2/10

CHING CHANG CHONG WOULD YOU LIEKY A GOLD PLATTER, JA JA?

Signature Pokemon: 8/10

Remember when you beat the shit out of your rival's Abra? Remember when you saw them a while later and were like "hahahahaha hell if I'm raising this"? Then he pulls Kadabra out in the next match? Yeah. Now you got Alakazam to deal with.

Sexual Attractiveness: 7/10

Everything checks out physically, her outfit shows it off, and she probably fucks like a tiger. Then she reads your mind and finds out you've been thinking of another woman, and then whips/mindrapes you for being such a bad boy. Still, she probably fucks like a tiger.

Other: 4/10
She was like this twisted supervillainess who could not be stopped in the TV show, until she jobbed to laughing to all things. But I can accept it in this case - Sabrina is so insane Ash had to resort to BS to take her down.

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Blaine



Coolness: 10/10

You know that old guy who still manages to not only keep up with the younger generation but also surpass them in many regards too? That's Blaine.

Badge: 9/10

You know that badge that actually commands respect for once and has a relation to what it is about? That's Blaine's badge.

Signature Pokemon: 9/10

You know that guy whose dog not only mauled your dog, but also looks a lot cooler both before and after the fight? And also can shoot flames out of its mouth? That's Blaine's dog.

Sexual Attractiveness: 6/10

You know those really rich old guys who drive around in convertables made for people a third of their age with women all over him? And you know those guys who seem normal at first glance but are in reality some of the most badass people alive? You better believe both of those are Blaine.

Other: 10/10
You know when you tried to figure out the riddles in your puzzle books and found yourself sucking? Blaine's going to make you relive all those painful memories. You better have BURN HEAL, sucka.

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Giova-

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Shit. Giovanni next time then.

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Comments

  1. Ryuutakeshi's Avatar
    Are you implying you've fucked a tiger?
  2. System Error's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakeshi
    Are you implying you've fucked a tiger?
    With expert observational skills and/or hours of Animal Planet documentaries out there, who needs to get with a beast to tell how it does the horozontal hoohaw? Okay, besides hands-on scientists.
  3. Kars's Avatar
    animal planet is fucking scary
  4. Peter Quill's Avatar
    IMO sabrina is better than a seven.

    I give her a 9.
  5. Kayi-chan's Avatar
    Gosh, you made Blaine look so awesome!

    ...shame I don't remember GenI that much anymore

    (and yeah, Sabrina is hot)
  6. Kars's Avatar
    i agree with the above statments
  7. $aturn¥oshi's Avatar
    If tigers fuck anything similar like lions, it only lasts about 9 seconds anyway.
  8. CypherFDP's Avatar
    Agree 100% except for Koga.
  9. Agent Gryphon's Avatar
    Pretty nice, I like to see how you rate the other gym leaders, hope you do all of them.

    Sabrina was pretty tough, technically Ash never really beat her did he? It's like they couldn't think of a way for her to actually get beaten so just resorts to Kadabra not able to attack by laughing (Then why in the future if you use the Move Tickle and they laugh, they are still in the fight XD)
  10. Synthesis's Avatar
    Sabrina has a whip. She deserves more sexual appeal.
  11. Mitsuru's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by $aturn¥oshi
    If tigers fuck anything similar like lions, it only lasts about 9 seconds anyway.
    You would know...
  12. Mijzelffan's Avatar
    But Weezing is awesome...
  13. Rob Anybody's Avatar
    Koga's so fast, when he wanks, he's finished before superman.

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